What REALLY happened
by waveangel
Summary: yeah, i got bored and wrote this. It's my first published fanfic O.O . is naruto...but spoofed up. it's probably not great, but i hope it gives some laughs.
1. team 7's first day

_Wooo!!! first fanfic!! Hope you like, without any more waffling, here's the disclaimers!!_

_**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own naruto, or twilight._

**Team 7's first day**

Kakashi stood while the Hokage told everyone which team they were in. He listened as all the best one's where given to other people.

"Kakashi, your team will be Uchicha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto and ... Sakura."

"This is 'cos I was late, huh?" Kakashi asked as all the other senseis left the room to go to their new teams. The Hokage turned to him.

"No. Call this karma. For ALL the times you've been late (^^)"

Kakashi sighed, and then started to walk to the classroom where his team would be waiting.

On his way there he stopped by the memorial (for the second time that day) and thought.

Uchicha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto and that Sakura girl. Jeez, what a team. An emo, a fan girl and an ADD sufferer. Whoopee. Kakashi put together what he knew of each shinobi.

Sasuke: known emo; pretty good student, but not friendly-Kakashi knew he had no friends (fan girls don't count ).

Naruto: only THE most easily distracted shinobi in the ENTIRE village (if not the world). It was beyond Kakashi how the boy had even managed to get his forehead protector. Secretly, Kakashi suspected that Iruka had fixed the exam so the blond haired jinchuuriki would pass his test-he knew that Iruka had a soft spot for the fellow orphan.

And then there was Sakura. Kakashi sighted. She was Sasuke's BIGGEST fan girl, she ADORED the boy- he could do no wrong in her eyes. No way was he taking this team! He just couldn't be bother, if he was honest.

Well, he'd just have to get rid of them. Kakashi chuckled quietly to himself, just like he'd got rid of the last teams the Hokage had landed on him.

Authoresses Note: wow. Is it just me, or does Kakashi sound kinda like a serial killer there? Now THAT is an awesome image. Hmm...I like this, I kinda feel like god...power-rush!!! *coughs* yes, back to the spoof *evil laughter fades away*

Kakashi finally made it to the classroom, late. On his way, he'd had to: go home to fetch his favourite book (he had a feeling he'd need it today), he'd taken a lost puppy to the pound, saved an old lady from a tree, then saved the old lady's cat, then he'd gone to the shop and bought a mountain of food as he was hungry. And now here he was. Kakashi sighed and pushed open the door...

*flashback!*

Naruto looked out of the classroom door and frowned.

"Why is our team 7 sensei SO DAMN LATE!!?"

"Naruto," Sakura sighed, this was the hundredth time he'd said that, "just sit down or something."

"All the other shinobi have gone off with THEIR senseis," Naruto sulked, "AND Iruka sensei's gone too."

He stopped sulking and walked over to the blackboard with a mischievous grin.

"What are you doing NOW, Naruto?" Sakura asked, slightly worried. Sasuke looked up in annoyance; couldn't they see his was trying to imagine torture techniques?

Standing on a stool, Naruto carefully jammed a board rubber into the crack where the door opened, giggling.

"That's what you get for being late." He said, jumping down.

"If sensei asks, I'm telling. I'm not involved in this." Sakura said disapprovingly (INNER SAKURA: hahaha!! I love this stuff!! Why didn't I do something like that?)

"Pfft. Like a JOUNIN would fall for such an idiotic booby trap." Sasuke said, angry that they had interrupted his imaginings for _this_.

"Haha!!" Naruto laughed, "You said booby!!"

Sasuke and Sakura stared at him (*-_-*)

*end flashback*

Kakashi pushed open the door. As he did, a board rubber hit him on the head, covering him in chalk dust. _-_- Naruto_, he thought, his suspicions confirmed when the blond boy shouted out,

"Wha-haha-hahah-aha!!! You fell for it, YOU FELL FOR IT!!"

Kakashi tried not to sigh, he _really_ couldn't be arsed today. _Well, let's get this over with._

"I'm so sorry sensei! I tried to stop Naruto but..." Sakura said, goody-two-shoesy like. (INNER SAKURA: WOW!!! That was AWESOME!! I really didn't think a _Naruto_ prank would work _that_ well!)

_Holy. Hell. Please tell me this guy isn't our sensei. He can't possibley be a Jounin. He's way too unreliable. _Sasuke thought, his face blank and expressionless.

"Well," Kakashi said, rubbing his masked chin, _I knew I wouldn't like you guys,_ "First impressions are everything and...I get the impression that I don't like you guys."

The shinobis looked kinda disheartened by this.

"Come on. Let's go." Kakashi led his team out of the classroom, onto a terrace. _I can always throw myself off if it gets too much...or I could throw one of _them_ off..._

"Right, since we're a team now, let's get to know each other."

"What do you want to know sensei?" Sakura asked immediately. _I just _know_ this kid is gonna ask why the most,_ Kakashi thought unhappily, _I HATE kids that ask why._

What he SAID was:

"Well...how about your names, your likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, you know, stuff like that."

"Why don't you go first?" Naruto asked him, surprising the Jounin, who hadn't expected this genin to have concentrated long enough to hear all his speech.

"Yeah, you're kinda suspicious looking." Sakura added.

_And you're all annoying me,_ Kakashi thought.

"Yeah, you could be a pervert, or something." Naruto said.

Kakashi had to reassess the boy. He definitely had a longer concentration span that Kakashi had thought.

"I'm not a pervert. My name is Hatake Kakashi. You're all too young to hear my likes and dislikes (this immediately got all the genins minds thinking, _why?_-including Sasuke's. Although he will never admit that) I have no dreams for the future as I take each day as it comes and I have many hobbies."

"All he's told us is his name!" Sakura whispered to the two boys angrily, but neither were listening. Sasuke had gone back to imagining torture methods and Naruto was looking for pretty pictures in the clouds.

"Now it's your turns!" Kakashi said, trying to sound bright, "who wants to go first?" _I bet its Naruto..._

"Oo! Me! ME!" Sure enough, the blond haired boy was the first to put his hand up and was bouncing around enthusiastically, reminding Kakashi of the puppy he'd found earlier. Kakashi sighed.

"Go on then."

"YOSH! My name is Uzumaki Naruto. What I like is cup ramen...what I like even more is when Iruka sensei buys it me! What I dislike is..." Naruto thought about this, _it's going to be something about ramen, isn't it? _Kakashi thought despairingly, "waiting three minutes for the ramen to cook!"

_I knew it._ Kakashi had the sudden urge to bang his head on the wall that enclosed the terrace, _does he only think about ramen?_

"And my dream..." _is to be the spokesman of ramen? To actually __be__ ramen? To beat the world record for the most amount of ramen ever eaten? To have a bed of ramen? To experience death by ramen? _Kakashi thought, that wall looking more and more tempting.

"Is to surpass Hokage and have everyone in the village acknowledge my existence!"

_What?!! It wasn't anything to do with ramen!? WTF!!!??Holy hell! I have to reassess him AGAIN? _Kakashi, tried not to change his expression, OR look longingly at the terrace wall (_I'm pretty sure I'd survive the drop, I'd just be out of action a while)_ he really would have to learn to do his homework about the kids Hokage-sama put in his team, this Naruto kid was _way_ more grown up than he'd expected.

"Hobbies...pranks, I suppose. And eating ramen."

Kakashi changed his mind, this boy was too obsessed with ramen, still, if the team passed his test he'd have something to torture...um..._punish_ the boy with if he did something wrong or stupid. Still, the boy had surprised him, he'd concentrated for more than five minutes now, maybe he was over his ADD...

"next?" he said, hoping that the next genin's words wouldn't make his head hurt more than it already did from all the thoughts Naruto had caused. Sasuke was next.

"My name's Uchicha Sasuke and it's been 2 months since I last had a drink." He said dryly, earning the desired giggle from Sakura.

"Properly, Sasuke." Kakashi said wearily, rubbing his temple. The boy rolled his eyes before starting again.

"My name is Uchicha Sasuke." The dark-haired boy said, not moving, his voice emotionless, "I dislike alot of things, and I don't _really _like anything," _definitely emo,_ thought Kakashi, _are all Uchicha emo? Is there something in their genes that makes them this way?_

"And...I can't call it a dream really...but I have an ambition. To resurrect my clan and kill...a certain man."

_Emo, and with issues. REVENGE issues,_ Kakashi thought.

_That is soo hot, _Sakura thought, having a mental nosebleed.

_Huh? Kill someone? He'd better not mean me! _Naruto frowned.

"Okay and you?" Kakashi said to Sakura.

"My name is Hanuro Sakura. The person I like is...well...um... (INNER SAKURA: Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!!) I mean, I like...um...reading the twilight books. I _don't _like annoying blond boys *cough* Naruto (Sakura glared at Naruto who is watching a dragonfly with a confused expression on his face (Naruto thoughts: it looks nothing _like_ a dragon!)) my dream for the future? Umm...I don't know."

"Which team?" Kakashi asked, thinking "team Edward" at exactly the same time as she said,

"Team Edward." Rather breathlessly.

Kakashi tried not to sigh in exasperation; he was supposed to turn _these_ guys into a team? _Well, only if they pass my test, which they won't!! !!!_

Kakashi's eyes went out of focus, his face became vague and he seemed to be elsewhere.

"Umm....sensei? Are you okay?" Sakura asked worriedly.

Kakashi blinked and mentally shook himself from his reverie.

"Yes, I'm fine. Right...um..." Kakashi had lost track of the conversation, "we've done introductions, soo...that's it! Right. As of tomorrow, we start our duties as shinobi."

"ALRIGHT!!!" Naruto shouted, making Kakashi jump, as the Jounin hadn't realised that the boy was listening. Then Naruto sat down,

"What kinds of duties?"

"I'll tell you later. First, we're gonna do something."

"What? What is it!?" Naruto asked, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Survival training!"

"Survival training." Sakura and Naruto echoed, downcast.

"Haven't we done enough training in school?" Sakura asked.

"Nope. I'm here to prepare and I damn well am gonna do that...that's why _I_ will be your opponent." Kakashi said, resisting the urge to bash his head on the wall when it returned.

"Then...then...um...what?" Naruto said, confused.

Time for stage one of the test, Kakashi thought as he laughed out loud.

"What's so funny sensei?" Sakura asked, unimpressed.

"You guys will freak when I tell you this...but..."

Kakashi stopped laughing and gave them a serious look,

"Out of the 27 graduates, only 9 will be chosen to become genin. The rest are sent back to the academy. This training is a very difficult test with only a 66% pass rate."

The new shinobis' jaws dropped. _O...only...sixty...six...per cent?_

Kakashi laughed at their faces,

"Haha!! I _knew_ you guys would freak!! I just knew it!!"

"What? No way!!" Naruto shouted in horror, "but, but, but then what was the point of us graduating??!"

"Oh, that..." _umm, _Kakashi thought quickly, "_That_ was just to select those who have the chance to become genin. Anyway," Kakashi turned and started to walk away, calling back over his shoulder,

"Tomorrow you have to show your real skills on the training ground. Bring all the shinobi tools you have. Oh! And..." he turned back to face his team and gave them a serious look, "Make sure you don't eat breakfast tomorrow, if you do...well, you might throw up and..._I _won't be the one cleaning it up."

_Hell. Awww, HELL!!! This is bad, this is bad!!! _Naruto thought, _I can't fail HERE!! I'll have to go all out. _Naruto thought about this, _AWWWW HELL!!! I'M GONNA FAIL!!!!_

_Might THROW UP??!! Is it really gonna be that tough!! Hell!!! I can't be separated from Sasuke-kun, if I am, Ino might steal him!!_

"The details are on this paper," Kakashi said, handing them each a piece of paper, "And don't be late tomorrow."

_Huh, that's rich,_ Sasuke thought shooting the Jounin a hooded glare.

Kakashi walked away, sneaking a glimpse at the new shinobis' faces. Even Sasuke looked slightly worried. _Getting rid of team: stage 1- complete, _he thought, _soon, soon, I'll have got rid of them, and I'll be able to do whatever I want again!!!_

_

* * *

__That's it people, there is no more. please R&R, but don't be mean, or i'll cry. Hopefully, i'll update soon...but i can't promise anything, and if no-one likes it then i won't_


	2. team 7's second day

_Woo!! You're reading the next instalment of my spoof!! It's very long, and I apologise for that. I also apologise if it's not that funny, I've tried my best. Anyways, here to say the disclaimers is....._

_Orochimaru!!! *pulls out remote with many buttons and presses the one labelled Orochimaru*_

_*nothing happens* ahh, this is embarrassing, ummm, I swear this has never happened to me before._

_GREYSTRIPE: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!!!_

_Greystripe? WTF are you doing in this story, it's not your spoof!! Get outta here!_

_GREYSTRIPE: wave angel doesn't own Naruto, or the secret to inner peace, or Jedi, or Spiderman!!_

_*wave angel pulls out lightsabre* that's my line!! *Greystripe runs* while I kill him, you guys read away. *wave angel runs after Greystripe screaming a war cry*_

* * *

**Team 7's teamwork exam (part 1)**

The next day, Kakashi turned up at the clearing he'd told his new (unwanted) team to meet him.

"Hey guys!" he called cheerfully (he'd recently read that the secret to inner peace was to finish everything that you start. So when he woke up that morning he'd looked around the house for things he hadn't finished and finished them...unfortunately, this included the vodka, the bailey's, a bottle of cider from the year before, the ice cream in his freezer and the vallium in his medicine cabinet. Needless to say, he was feeling very peaceful, and happy.) "Isn't it a b-e-ay-u-tiful morning!!?"

"YOU'RE LATE!!" the three young shinobi shouted at him.

"Whoa, guys." He stepped back, holding his hands out, palms facing the angry kids, "Chill. You're messing with the vibes."

The youngster shared confused looks, did all Jounin act like this?

"Hey guys," Sakura said quietly, "you think he's alright, he's acting kinda..."

Kakashi was waving his hand in front of his one good eye, looking very unfocussed.

"...stoned." she finished, looking back at her teammates, but Naruto had wandered off, and Sasuke wasn't going to bother answering her.

Kakashi shook his head, snapping out of his brief lapse in focus.

"Right," he said, trying to sound in control and setting an alarm clock (a new one he'd bought on the walk down, since he'd broke _his_ by hitting it too hard when he tried to stop it from ringing.) "Okay, it's set for noon."

He realised that only Sakura and Sasuke where stood in front of him.

"Hey! Where'd Naruto go?" he asked, confused, it had really been a bad idea to try for inner peace today.

"He's over there." Sasuke said flatly, pointing at the base of a tree, where Naruto was curled up.

Kakashi threw the alarm clock at him, hitting him on the head,

"Get in!" The Jounin cried, making the ker-ching move with his arm.

Naruto sat up, looking around,

"Wha'? Who did that?"

"I did. Why were you sleeping _now_ of all times?" Kakashi replied, shrugging.

"Well...I didn't get to sleep until late last night..."

*flashback*

Naruto punched an inflatable doll, which had a mask very similar to Kakashi's tied on it, knocking it to the floor.

"Yes!!" he shouted, turning around and punching the air triumphantly.

Then the doll, bounced back forward, hitting him in the back and knocking him flying. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten that it was a weighted doll that rocked when you hit it.

"Right," he said, glaring at it, "I'm gonna kill you."

And so Naruto spent _most_ of the night "killing" the inflatable doll.

*end flashback*

"...cos I was training." Naruto finished his sentence, to Kakashi's relief.

_Phew, that wouldn't have been what meant_ I_ didn't get to sleep until late at his age. Hell, it _still_ wouldn't be what kept me awake! _Kakashi thought.

Kakashi noticed that his team where looking at him expectantly.

"What?" he asked, thinking, _hell, please tell me I didn't say all that out loud!!_

"Aren't you going to tell us what we're doing today?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi blinked at her for a moment, and then recovered.

"Yeah! Yeah, I am. Ahem." He shook himself mentally, putting on his serious face. Of course, the kids didn't get the full benefit of the serious face, as all they could see was one eye. "So the clock's set for noon. And I have here," he pulled a couple a bells (similar to the ones on cat collars) out of his pocket, "two bells. Your task is..."

He let that hang in the air, hoping to build the tension, but when the kids just looked at him he gave up.

_Kids, they have no melodrama in their souls._

"Your task is to take these two bells from me, before the time is up."

"Umm, Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked tentatively, "you only have two bells."

"I know." Kakashi said, _didn't I _just_ say that?_

"So, only two of us will be able to get bells?"

(_Sasuke's thoughts: I wonder who'll get the other bell? Naruto's thoughts: what? Two bells...but...but...um...AHH HELL!!!!!!!! Sakura's thoughts: two bells, three shinobi...what happens if you don't get a bell???)_

"In theory. Of course, it's possible that _none_ of you get a bell." _Please, please, please let this be the scenario!!_

"What happens if we don't?"

"Then you go hungry!"

The shinobi gaped at him, reminding him of something else he had to say.

"Oh, and I will also not only tie you to one of those posts over there, I will sit in front of you, and stuff my face. Oh, and the food? It's ramen."

(Naruto's thoughts: _!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna die!!!!! If I don't get a bell then I'll get no ramen?! That's just-_)

Kakashi stared at the blond jinchuuriki in worry, the boy had a stricken look on his face, as if he'd just been told that someone had set fire to something precious to him..._Oh wait,_ Kakashi thought,_ I've just told him if he doesn't get a bell he doesn't get ramen...that explains the stricken look._

(Sakura's thoughts: oh no!! (She's too good to cuss) but I'm hungry _now_!!)

(Sasuke's thoughts: hm, so that's why he told us not to eat breakfast. Maybe he isn't as dumb as he looks and acts.)

"You only need to get _one_ bell. As Sakura pointed out, there are only two, so one of you will definitely be going hungry...and they will also be returning to the academy." Kakashi continued, feeling very pleased with himself.

The shinobi were looking, separately, unconcerned, really kinda worried and nervous (I'll leave you to guess who was looking what).

Kakashi threw the bells in the air and caught them, hiding them from view in his hand.

"You can use shurikens and kunais if you want. After all, if you don't come at me with intent to kill then you _will_ fail."

"But...but...but then you'll be in danger!!" Sakura said, in a voice that was quickly annoying Kakashi. _This inner peace isn't gonna last very long...I'll have to do it again when I get back. _Kakashi thought, with a sigh.

"Yeah! And you're so slow you can't dodge a blackboard rubber!" Naruto added, looking pleased with himself.

"In reality, those with no talent shout the most, Naruto, so I'm going to ignore you, Mr. dead-last."

_Dead-last! Dead-last!! Dead-last!!! _Naruto's own mind echoed, taunting him.

Pulling a snarling face, the blond boy used his middle finger to draw out a kunai and spin it, before grabbing it by the handle and raising it above his head, ready to throw it at Kakashi, to Sakura's surprise.

But Kakashi was an epic ninja, and had already managed to move behind Naruto. Quickly, he grabbed the kunai handle, wrapping his hand over Naruto's in the process, pushing the boys head forward and moving his arm until the kunai was aimed at the base of the boy's neck.

_WTH!?_ Thought Naruto.

"Calm down," Kakashi told him, the mist from where he apparated (or whatever it is ninja do to poof from one place to another) dispersed, "I haven't said to start yet."

_That was really pitiful. _Kakashi thought, disappointed, _no prizes for guessing who won't be getting a bell._

_N...no way!!_ Sakura thought in awe and shock, _I...I couldn't even see him move!!_

(Well Sakura, allow me to explain _why _you couldn't see him move. It's because, technically, he didn't. He simply went from there, to there, without having to move in the conventional way. Now do you understand?)

_So this is what a Jounin is, _Sasuke thought, giving a little smirk,_ that was pretty cool._

"Okay, you guys finally seem ready to try to kill me. So...finally acknowledged me?" Kakashi said, raising an eyebrow (which they couldn't see because of his forehead protector). "Hmph," _they're gonna fail, I like them slightly more now I know that I won't be stuck with them, _"I think I'm starting to like you guys."

The kids relaxed, at least one of them hoping that that would mean he wouldn't hurt them.

"Alright," Kakashi continued, letting Naruto go and stepping back, "Begin!!"

The four ninjas streaked away in separate directions.

Kakashi stood in plain view of the, now hiding, kids. _Nice, _he thought, _they've hidden themselves pretty good..._

All except Naruto, who stood opposite the Jounin and shouted,

"Come here!!! Fight me!!! I'm gonna kick your ass!!"

Kakashi sighed, _wrong thing to be doing, Naruto, and just as I was starting to think you weren't as dumb as I first thought._

_Idiot._ Sasuke thought as he hid in a tree, watching and hoping he'd get a chance to steal a bell soon.

Kakashi didn't move, so Naruto thought he'd take the fight to him. Unfortunately, as the blond boy charged, Kakashi knocked him back with a single look (a single _look_. How epic is that?) As Kakashi said,

"Taijutsu, lesson number one." He put his hand in his beltbag and rummaged around; making Naruto worry, as he thought the Jounin was going to take out a weapon.

Slowly, Kakashi drew out...

A book.

Naruto stared at it in confusion. "Hey! What's with the book?" he asked.

"Oh this? Don't worry about it, I just want to know what happens next, it won't make any difference against you guys."

As Naruto stared in shock, Kakashi began to read...

_Fire and ice_

_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire..._

He was interrupted as Naruto yelled, "I'm gonna kick your ass!!" and charged.

With a little sigh, Kakashi blocked every punch and kick the boy delivered, still reading, simply by ducking and swaying out of the way. Finally, Naruto missed completely, ending up in front of Kakashi, who tiger sealed around his book.

Sakura tried to shout a warning, but was too late, as Kakashi stuck his fingers up Naruto's ass, then fired the boy into the river. And so, Naruto's fear of perverts was born!!!!!

As Naruto made a huge splash, Kakashi turned his concentration back to his book.

_Ahhh, dammit!! _Naruto thought as he sank, _this isn't going well._

As Naruto's teammates watched Kakashi read with avid fascination, trying to see what the book was called, two shurikens flew out of the water, only to be caught by Kakashi (without looking) on two of his fingers.

Angry at himself for failing so miserably, twice, Naruto leapt out of the river, coughing like heck.

Interrupted yet again, Kakashi shut his book and turned to the boy,

"What's up? Come on, if you don't get a bell, then you don't get dinner."

Naruto looked up, his wet hair falling in a way that was _very _familiar to Kakashi. _No, _Kakashi thought, _it's not possible. And yet...he does actually _look_ like him._

"I know!!" Naruto shouted, angrily, "I know!!"

_I'm soo hungry, _Sakura thought, _I'm on a diet anyway and I didn't eat last night _(there's a word for this kind of dieting, Sakura, its anorexia) _and since he said not to eat breakfast..._

Up in his tree, even Sasuke was starting to feel hungry.

"Ugh," Naruto continued, having a rant, "I just made a mistake!! I was only a little careless!!"

"Hmmmm. Carelessness, your worst enemy can be." Kakashi replied, trying to sound wise and yoda-like.

_Damn...I'm soooo hungry!!_ Naruto thought, _I_ _need that bell!!! I need ramen!! I'm gonna make him acknowledge me!_

Determined to get a bell, Naruto leapt at Kakashi (who was now facing the other way) kage bunshin-ing in midair.

Kakashi recognised the move as the forbidden jutsu he'd heard Naruto had learned and defeated Mikami with, after the idiot Chuunin had tried to kill the boy.

"You can't keep this up Naruto, so it's kinda pointless..." Kakashi said, before a Naruto jumped onto his back.

_Not bad!! _The Jounin thought, kinda pleased by this intelligent move.

Naruto's teammates gasped in absolute amazement as the bells jingled.

Then Naruto (kind of like a super baddy from a bond film) explained what he had done, as all his clones also jumped onto Kakashi.

"Here's payback for my ass!!" the blond jinchuuriki yelled, drawing his hand back and punching...

Himself?

_Awww, man, this is embarrassing, and confusing._ Naruto thought, before all his clones started to fight, thinking that Kakashi had transformed into Naruto and hid.

Kakashi sat back and watched the boy's clones fight, wishing he'd brought popcorn to go with this entertainment. As the clones fought, they argued.

"This is all your fault, douchebag!!"

"Hey!! I'm _you_, you idiot!!"

"You know, if you just ended the jutsu, and then there'd only be two of us, me and him!"

"Get him!! He must be Kakashi!!" the others yelled, leaping onto the sensible Naruto clone.

Eventually, Naruto did what his more sensible clone had suggested and released the jutsu, only to find himself alone in the mist his clones had made when they disappeared.

Naruto stopped, sniffling slightly, making Sakura feel sorry for him and making Sasuke feel embarrassed for him. (Luckily, Sasuke saw everything that Kakashi had done to cause the huge fight, and here he is to explain it to us all!

Sasuke: I don't want to be here.

Waveangel: you have no choice. I can always set Orochimaru on you, remember?

Sasuke: *sigh* fine. Kakashi used kawarimi no jutsu, which is replacing your body with an object or animal. In this case, he switched places with a Naruto clone, causing the idiot to injure himself. Now can I go?

Waveangel: sure *presses button with 'release Orochimaru' written above it* I'd hurry though.

*Sasuke runs away, with Orochimaru chasing*)

_What a dumb-ass_ Sasuke thought, sat in his tree.

Wiping his face and wincing at the bruises, Naruto saw something gleaming in the grass. A bell!

Thinking himself incredibly lucky, the jinchuuriki raced towards it and tried to pick it up...

Only to find himself dangling 8 feet off the ground, upside down. _Aha, this is embarrassing,_ Naruto thought as he swung desperately from side to side in an attempt to escape.

"What the hell is this!!?" The boy yelled.

_A trap, obviously,_ Sasuke thought from his tree.

Kakashi had left his sub-zero-cool hiding place and walked towards Naruto, who thought Kakashi looked very funny when he was upside down. Bending his knees, Kakashi picked up the bell,

"You really should think before using a jutsu, or else someone will use it against you, and..." Kakashi turned his back on the dangling boy, tossing the bell up and down, "don't fall for such obvious traps." (No, I have no idea how Kakashi put those traps there, since he struggles getting up in a morning.)

"A shinobi must be able to see underneath the underneath." Kakashi said, smiling up at the boy, he just got more infuriated.

"I KNOW _that_!!"

"Well, obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't have had to say it, would I?" Kakashi pointed out, turning his back on Sasuke's tree.

_Yes! He left an opening! _Sasuke thought triumphantly, throwing several kunai and shurikens at the Jounin, which hit him in the face.

"Sasuke!! Too far man! Too far!!" Naruto yelled waving his arms.

Luckily, the Kakashi Sasuke's weapons had hit turned into half a tree (which is _way_ more awesome than cloning yourself, even scientists can do that), while the real Kakashi was elsewhere thinking, _can that boy not talk in a normal voice, or does he shout _all the time_?_

The not-really-Kakashi that had just turned into a tree had earned stunned looks from both boys. Sasuke was amazed that his genius had been foiled. Naruto was simply amazed.

Kakashi hid in his super-secret hiding place, a tree not far away, watching where he now knew Sasuke was hiding.

Sasuke now realised that he'd been tricked, and decided, very cleverly, that his tree was not the great hiding place it had been 3 seconds ago. Mentally beating himself up for falling into such a simple trap, he leapt away to find himself a better hiding place.

Meanwhile...

Sakura had moved from her hiding place and was looking for Sasuke (for no real reason, I think, unless she was planning to ambush him...). As she ran, the pink-haired fan-girl worried about Kakashi finding and hurting Sasuke. Then she caught a glimpse of the Jounin, and hid behind the nearest thing, which happened to be a small bush. Not really the best hiding place really. Kakashi seemed to be reading his book and she relaxed, thinking he hadn't seen her. Then he said,

"Behind you, Sakura."

She turned to find another Kakashi a foot away, his one visible eye wide.

Still dangling like an overripe fruit, Naruto was sawing his way through the rope with a kunai, muttering to himself angrily. Finally, the rope broke and Naruto fell, spinning in mid-air...

_I'm not gonna fall for a stupid trap like that again._

Naruto landed on his feet quietly, like a cat (which is odd, since he's actually got a fox demon sealed inside him, and you wouldn't think foxes were that agile or quiet). But immediately, he was pulled up by a foot to dangle upside down. AGAIN.

"DAMMIT!!!!! THE EXACT SAME TRAP UNDERNEATH ME!!!" he yelled, frustrated, to no-one in particular, since no-one else was there.

Back with Sakura...

She'd found herself alone. And confused, as she didn't know where Kakashi could have gone.

"Sakura." A voice called, giving her a mental nosebleed. She knew that voice anywhere, even if she'd been in the middle of a huge football crowd, it was Sasuke's voice _and _he_ was asking for _her_!!_

She ran toward it with a huge smile on her face. _He's going to tell me how much he loves me, and we'll get married and I'll have many Sasuke-babies (INNER SAKURA: GLOMP!!) and..._

She raced around a bush and found Sasuke, covered in blood and looking like a pincushion there were so many kunai and shuriken stuck in him.

"Help me..." pincushion asked pitifully, "Sakura..."

Sakura froze, _oh no!! What do I do? What-do-I-do? Whatdoido?!_

She decided on her best course of action, and burst into tears, screaming.

_That might have been too much, _Kakashi told himself as he sat in a tree, reading, then changed his mind, _I could have done worse, I could have made her see Sasuke tell her that he was marrying Ino..._

From where he was stood, Sasuke heard the scream and put a name to it immediately, _Sakura..._

"Lesson number two, genjutsu. Sakura fell for it." _what a fail-whale_

Sasuke smiled as he filed this info away for future reference, not turning to face Kakashi, who leant against a nearby tree, seemingly engrossed in his book. Sasuke wasn't fooled. _That's the sort of thing she would fall for_, Sasuke thought.

Somewhere in the forest, Sakura was laid on her back, frothing at the mouth, watched by two squirrels.

(Squirrel 1: what's up with her? She dead?"

Squirrel 2: maybe she dead.

Squirrel 1: I poke?

Squirrel 2: no!! She looks like she has rabies. That bad. I had rabies once.

Squirrel 1: oh yeah? What happened?

Squirrel2: I died. But luckily, I recovered, and lived!)

"I'm not like them. I'm not an idiot, or a girl." Sasuke said, face impassive once again.

"You can say that after you get a bell, _Sasuke-kun_." Kakashi replied, deliberately goading the emo-child.

Sasuke turned and faced the Jounin, expressionless. Kakashi stood straight, almost twice as tall as the Uchicha.

"Well, well, well. The most powerful clan of the village. The Uchicha. This is gonna be interesting." Kakashi said out loud.

For a moment, man faced boy, neither moving or breaking eye contact. Then Sasuke crouched and threw several of his weapons uselessly at the Jounin, who simply back-flipped a couple of times out of their way. But Sasuke had been aiming for a rope, and had succeeded in severing it. The boy threw knives at the Jounin, who dodged again, only to be meet a kick to the face that he blocked one-armed (cause he is just that awesome). With Kakashi holding onto his leg, Sasuke had no choice but to aim a punch at his sensei's head, which was also blocked. Then Kakashi swung the boy around, so he was holding him upside down (which would have worried Naruto, if he'd seen). Sasuke smiled, which confused Kakashi, then swept his _other _arm around, aiming to get the bells.

Kakashi thought he was going for something a vowel different and worriedly pulled his groin away from Sasuke's hand. Sasuke just missed a bell, managing to brush it with a fingertip. Kakashi sighed in relief, _thank god he was after the BELLS rather than my-_

He shoved Sasuke away. _I didn't even get to read my...book._

Elsewhere, Sakura woke up, disorientated. Then she remembered what she'd just witnessed and ran away looking for Sasuke, AGAIN.

Also elsewhere, Naruto was bored. He was sick and tired of hanging upside down. AND no-one was listening to him yell any more. Suddenly, he noticed a box behind the stumps Kakashi had said he'd tie them to.

"Aha!!" he shouted, "I know where the food is!!"

Back to Kakashi and Sasuke.

"I have to admit, you are different to the other two," Kakashi said, continuing with _your emo! _But only in his head.

"Huh." Sasuke huffed, before making a bunch of seals (arf arf arf).

"Umm..." he said, looking at the seals that were rolling around on the floor, barking and clapping their flippers together (why did they remind him of Naruto?), "that wasn't supposed to happen."

He made them disappear and instead started making HAND seals.

_Horse, then tiger, _he thought, _then..._he took a deep breath, _katon! Goukakyuu no jutsu!!_ (I have no idea why he had to shout it mentally for it to work, these things just happen.)

_No way! _Kakashi thought, actually amazed for the first time, _a genin shouldn't have enough chakra to do that!_

Sasuke let out the breath, firing a huge fireball at the spot where Kakashi had been, until he ran out of breath. But, once again, Kakashi had gone.

Sasuke looked all around him and in the air. Then a voice said, "Below you." And Kakashi grabbed the emo-kids foot before dragging him down, up to his neck in dirt.

"Lesson number three, ninjutsu." Kakashi said, squatting in front of Sasuke's head, "well, you're in front of the others."

Kakashi walked away, oblivious to the death-glare Sasuke was shooting him.

Naruto was sat behind a rock with writing on, rubbing his hands in glee.

"Hahaha! Instead of wasting time trying to get a bell, I'll just sit here and eat this food!"

"Hey buddy." Kakashi said in a creepy-ish voice filled with false affability (I love Microsoft word).

"I'm not sure how much you just heard." Naruto said, looking down.

"Everything from 'Instead of wasting time...'" Kakashi replied.

"That was a joke, I knew you were listening." Naruto bluffed.

"Yeah, right. What do you think you are doing?"

_Uh-oh, busted_, said Naruto's trouble sensor, hearing the hint of threat in Kakashi's voice.

Sasuke was annoyed. He couldn't move and his arm itched. Bad. He tried to get out, again. He failed. AGAIN.

Sakura ran by. Surprised Sasuke looked up. They stared at each other for a second. Sakura started to scream,

"AHHHH!!! HIS SEVERED HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then she fainted clean away.

Needless to say, Sasuke wasn't impressed by that.

"WTF?"

***

"Hey."

_Sasuke-kun's voice? _Sakura thought, kinda stupidly since she knew it was. She opened her eyes. _Oh. My. God._ She thought, once again having a mental nosebleed, _he's knelt down beside me...and he's alive!!_

(How did he get out of the ground? I have a theory. Come with me, on a journey inside Sasuke's head...

*inside the emo-kid's head:

Many mini-Sasukes are running around, with name-tags saying thing like "happiness" and "Vengeance" and so-on* as he saw Sakura laid on the floor one of his mini-Sasuke's pointed at the cinema-screen where what he was seeing was projected and shouted, "look! We can see up her dress!" The other mini-Sasukes were horrified and this view gave the boy a burst of strength. He then felt kind of guilty for looking and decided to see if she was okay*

This explains both how he got out, and why he didn't just leave, but went to help his fan-girl.)

"Sasuke-kun!!" she cried throwing her arms around her neck and hugging him.

"Go away!" he growled at her, "don't hug me. I don't like hugs."

When Sasuke finally managed to escape Sakura, he moved out of arms reach, just in case she tried to hug him again (Sasuke: I don't do hugs. I'm an Uchicha, I don't need them, and I don't need anyone).

"It's almost lunch but there' still some time. I'm going after another bell."

"You're still going after a bell?" Sakura asked, despite him saying that just a few seconds ago (hey, she can be quite dumb, even if she did get top marks in the classroom).

"Yeah," Sasuke said as if it was plainly obvious, which it was to be honest, "I've already touched a bell, and I know I'll get one this time."

"Ah, you're incredible Sasuke-kun."Sakura said, worriedly, _this is bad, I'm not gonna get a bell. At this rate we will be separated! _"But, uh, there's not really that much time left and...Well, there isn't much point trying is there? There's always next time."

Sasuke death-glared her, somehow conveying in that glare that no way was _he_ waiting until next time, then he walked away. Sakura felt disappointed, after she'd come around to find him next to her, she'd thought that maybe he liked her, and now he was leaving her behind to get a bell.

"There's a man," Sasuke said, "someone only I can kill."

"Oh, that's...um...who do you mean?" Sakura asked confused.

"All that time crying..." Sasuke muttered to himself, confusing Sakura even more. Sasuke? Crying? Yeah, that fits with her perception of him doesn't it?

"What do you mean?" she asked when he stopped muttering.

"I'm an avenger. I have to be stronger than him, so I can't just give up." (An avenger dressed in black? Oh no!! Sasuke is the dark avenger!!)

Unfortunately, the alarm clock went off. The time was up.

"Pfft, we wasted too much time." Sasuke said voice emotionless again, and sounding much more like the Sasuke Sakura knew.

They went and sat down by the thick wooden stakes where they found Naruto tied up to one, looking very annoyed.

Kakashi arrived, ten minutes after them.

"Hey, you guys look hungry...by the way...about the training," he was looking a little guilty, "well...there' no need for you to go back to the academy."

"Yes!!" Naruto yelled, almost bursting out of his bonds.

_But all I did was faint. Twice. Was that enough? _Sakura thought while inner Sakura screamed _love conquers all!!! Take that Ino-pig!!!_

Sasuke contented himself with a huff.

Naruto was happy-time-dancing, well, as much as anyone can happy-time-dance when they're tied up, with Sakura jumping around happily behind him.

"Then we all..."

"Yup," Kakashi interrupted Naruto, _let's see how they handle this, just one more stage and I'll be rid of them!!_ Somehow, that thought didn't cheer him up as much as he thought, he'd had quite a few laughs today, mainly at their expense, "you should all quit as shinobi."

_WTF!!??_ All three kids thought in shock, including Sasuke, though he disguised his shock under a death-glare.

"Yes, all three of you should quit being ninjas."

Elsewhere in a restaurant...

"So...I assume you wanted to ask me something, since you invited me to a restaurant, Iruka?" _this had better not be about a raise._

"Yes, Hokage-sama...the Jounin for Naruto's team...team 7...is he strict?"

"Ah, Kakashi. You're worried?" the Hokage passed Iruka a book, "take a look at the records."

Iruka flicked through the book then blushed,

"Are you sure this is the right book, Hokage-sama?"

"Hmm?" the old-man took it back and looked at it, _my come come paradise!_ "Oops! Wrong one, here you go."

Iruka tried to forget what he had read; _who knew the Hokage was a reader of books like that!_

"That's a list of his past students and their records."

This didn't reassure Iruka. _This...this is...impossible!!_

"Quit as ninjas??!!" Naruto yelled, trying to escape again, "okay, so we didn't get the bells, but why should we quit??"

"Because, frankly, you all suck and are punks who don't deserve to be called ninja." Kakashi said plainly.

Sasuke ran at him,

"I am not a punk!! I'm a rocker!!!"

His teammates gasped, Naruto in surprise (it's more like Naruto to charge yelling at someone) and Sakura in worry (hello? The guy she had mental nosebleeds over was attacking an epic ninja and in danger of being killed).

After a brief scuffle, Kakashi pinned down Sasuke and sat on him, one foot on his head.

"That's why you're a punk." Kakashi told him.

"No! Don't squish Sasuke with you foot!!" his teammates yelled, screechily in Sakura's case.

Kakashi gave them his 'dangerous ninja' look,

"Are you guys underestimating ninja? Why do you think you were divided into teams for this training?"

Naruto and Sakura gave him blank looks. _Jeez, _Kakashi thought_, am I gonna have to spell it out for them?_

"Basically, you guys don't understand the answer to the test."

"There's an answer?" Naruto asked in amazement.

"Yes, it helps you pass the test."

"So, when will you tell us the answer?" Sakura asked.

"Jeez, are you playing dumb?" Kakashi couldn't believe they didn't know the answer, "its teamwork."

That was news to the team, even Sasuke looked shocked.

"By working together, you could have got the bells."

Everyone thought about that.

"But there are still only two bells!! Even if we had worked together and got the bells, one of us would still have failed!! That would just have made us fight each other."

"That's what the test is designed to do." Kakashi stated, unimpressed, "the whole purpose of the test is to see whether you can forget your own interests and successfully work together. Under these designed circumstances.

"You guys sucked, if I'm honest.

"Sakura, you ran around looking for Sasuke instead of trying to help Naruto, who was actually beside you. Naruto, you just ran around like an idiot, shouting your mouth off, all by yourself. And Sasuke, _you_ just assumed the others would get in your way and tried to do everything yourself." Kakashi said, pointedly, bringing home the truth.

"Ninja duties are performed by a team, guys. Of course individual ability is important, but teamwork is even more important." Kakashi was off on a rant, in case you hadn't guessed. He was annoyed at himself for being disappointed by their failures. He was annoyed that he wanted them to pass. And he was annoyed that he hadn't had enough time to read his book.

"Individual play can put your team in danger. For example, Sakura if you don't kill Naruto then I'll send Sasuke to sleep with the fishes!!"

"WHAT??!!" Naruto looked around wildly, as Sakura stood and dithered.

"You see?" Kakashi stood up, letting Sasuke breath, "if one of you gets taken hostage then you'll have to make tough decisions and then die. You'll be risking the lives in these duties. This isn't a game."

Sasuke sat up, feeling light headed. Kakashi was heavier than he looked, even though he hadn't put his entire weight on the boy.

"You see this stone? On it are craved the names of the ninjas recognised as heroes by the village." Kakashi ended his words sadly, remembering old times.

Naruto didn't notice the sadness in his voice. All he heard was 'hero'.

"Hey!! I'm gonna get my name craved on that stone, too!! I'll be the most heroic hero ever!!!!"

Kakashi didn't look at him; he kept his gaze on the stone,

"You know these heroes? They're very special, they aren't normal heroes..."

"Yeah? Then what kind are they?!"

"They're ninjas who died in the course of their duties."

Naruto shut up, finally registering Kakashi's tone; he looked down, ashamed of himself.

"This is a memorial; my best friend's name is carved on here."

Sakura stared at the Jounin, almost in tears, she felt so sorry for him.

"I'm gonna give you guys one more chance," _I wonder...you guys aren't the best team ability-wise...I guess it would be fun to teach you though..._ "But after lunch it'll be even harder to get the bells. If you want to try again then eat, but don't give Naruto any."

"Huh?" Naruto just heard 'don't give Naruto any'.

"That's your punishment for trying to eat by yourself. If anyone gives him food I'll instantly fail them. I am the law! Got it?"

Kakashi gave them his stern look, and then disappeared.

"That's fine!!" Naruto shouted, "I don't need food, I'm not even hungry!!"

***

Sasuke and Sakura were halfway through their meal. Naruto's stomach kept letting out a hungry growl. It was beginning to get on Sasuke's nerves (plus it made him feel sorry for the boy, but he won't admit that he has a heart that isn't made of stone).

"here." He said, holding out the remainder of his food, but not looking at his fellow teammate.

Naruto just stared at it, dumbly, while Sakura went off on a mini-rant,

"What?! But Sasuke-kun, sensei said-"

"Chill, he isn't here. I don't sense him anywhere nearby (cos OBVIOUSLY Sasuke has ninja senses that let him sense people (he's either a Jedi, or Spiderman. I can't figure out which.)) After lunch we'll get the bells by working together. Without food he'll just mope and be in the way, and that will only make it harder for us."

Naruto really was amazed now; _I thought he didn't like me!! _He was also confused, naturally, at Sasuke's action (hell, even Sasuke wasn't sure why he was being nice, it would give the kid the impression that they were friends after all, and Sasuke worked alone).

Sakura thought about Sasuke's actions. Then stuck her food out to Naruto also, which surprised the boy even more as she didn't really notice him, she was too busy panting after Sasuke.

Naruto smiled, looking down.

From the tree he was hiding behind, Kakashi heard Naruto thank his teammates and smiled.

***

"You're kidding me right? This is a joke?"

"Kakashi's test might be a _little_ too difficult, after all, they're kids and obedient..."

"Well, yeah, but..." Iruka stammered worriedly, "these marks....they're...all zeros..."

"Yup. Kakashi has never passed anyone. They all failed."

_Awww, crap._

***

A ball of wind suddenly appeared in front of the youngsters, whipping up leaves that in turn beat at their faces.

"YOU GUYS!!!!" Kakashi boomed, impressively, looking immensely angry, and kinda demonic.

The kids screamed. Well, Sasuke didn't, but Sakura did and Naruto let out a shout _very_ close to a scream. And in all their heads was the same thing (well, variations of the same thing)

_AWWWW CRAP, BUSTED!!!!!_

"pass." Kakashi said, grinning, his one visible eye shut closed.

The kids sat where they'd cowered for a moment, stunned. Kakashi laughed at their faces. _This is gonna be fun!!_ (I don't know exactly _when_ Kakashi decided he was gonna like having a team. It was probably when he realised how funny they were when they were trying, and failing, to get a bell. And when he realised that he could make a fortune by videoing these failures and sending them to You've Been Framed.)

"Huh?"

"We...pass?!" Sakura burst out after several moments of silence passed, and Kakashi started to worry that he'd gone too far, "but...but...why? How?"

"You guys are the first. I've managed to get rid of all the others the Hokage dumped on me. And they were all dumber than you guys. They just did as I said. Those who break rules...well they're called trash, but those who don't take care of their comrades are worse than trash, they aren't fit to like trash's shoes."

"But, trash doesn't wear shoes." Naruto butted in, confused by Kakashi's metaphor-thing.

Kakashi stared at him a moment then sighed, _no point having second thoughts _now_. I've already said they've passed._

Sakura was bus dancing with happiness, while Sasuke was sat still, with a self-satisfied smile on his face. Still tied to the pole, Naruto stared at the Jounin.

_Wow. He. Is. soooo. COOL!!_

"Okay, that's the end of training!! From tomorrow, we'll be doing ninja duties!!"

"Yay!! Ninja, ninja, I am a ninja!!!" Naruto yelled, trying to happy-time-dance while tied up.

"Time to go." Kakashi and the team walked away. All except Naruto, who was still tied up.

"Hey!!" he yelled when he realised, "what about me?!! HEY!!! Don't leave me!!! Please!!! Hey??!!!!"

* * *

_Waveangel: *sat on greystripe* you bad kitty!! Never, ever, EVER, steal my line again!! Now get outta here!! *greystripe runs away*_

_Phew, thank heavens that's finished!! Sorry it's so long, again. Please people, R&R to let me know what you think. Hopefully, the next one won't be so long. I can't promise anything though!!_


	3. sorry it's not relevant!

Yes, i know this isn't part of my spoof, but it's the only way i can think of to do this.

Hmmmm, so I'm thinking of doing a fanfic call "NINJAS VS. WHAT?" where, basically, a ninja will fight something else. I want your opinions on whether you think this would be a good idea.

Here are the ideas I may do, if I do the fic:

NINJAS VS. PIRATES

NINJAS VS. JEDI

NINJAS VS. EVIAN'S ROLLERBLADING BABY/BABIES (yes, they're as awesome as they sound)

NINJAS VS. DRAGON RIDERS

NINJAS VS. DINOSAURS

NINJAS VS. HARRY POTTER

NINJAS VS. POKEMON

NINJAS VS. VAMPIRES

Well? What do you think?? Obviously, if anyone has any ideas additional I'd like to hear, but I want your opinions more please!! Let me know by reviewing or something.


	4. Team 7's mission to wave: journey there

Yeah, boys and girls!! i have finally managed to get this finished!!! *happy time dances* and I myself will be saying the disclaimers

DISCLAIMER: i don't own Naruto! Or Tesco! Or Captain Jack Sparrow! (Greystripe: but you wish you did, cos he is HAWT.

Wave angel: OMG!! GReystripe!!

Greystripe: what?

Wave angel: A-you're a dude. B-your a cat!

Greystripe: that's just testament to how hot he is, that even dude cats think he's hawt.

Wave angel: you know, i'm starting to worry about you. first you were real comfy in that dress, now this?

Greystripe: just continue the disclaimers.)

Right...where was i? I don't own kellogs Crunchy Nut Clusters! Or the "Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom (you get the picture right?)" song! Or the advert that explains where babies come from. thank you, now read on.

* * *

**Team 7's mission to the Wave Country**

**The journey there.**

So, after several really sucky missions such as finding lost pets, babysitting, listening to old people and farming, the newly formed team were extremely fed-up. Well, the kids were since they thought ninjas got cool missions, rather than chores. Kakashi sighed, this was just even more punishment for his persistent tardiness, and he knew it. He couldn't help it that he had time-keeping difficulties! The team went to the Hokage's office, where they were told that they were going to get another lame mission.

Naruto put his foot down.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!! No thanks!! I want a real ninja mission!! Give us a better one!!"

Sasuke couldn't help but agree with the loud boy, even though he will never admit it. Sakura, was just as annoyed, with both Naruto's outburst (hey, he'd had one nearly every mission, it does get annoying after a bit) and with the fact that their new mission looked like it was going to be even MORE sucky than the previous ones, and she hadn't thought that possible.

Kakashi had also had enough of Naruto's shouting and cuffed the top of his head,

"Shut up, you."

"Naruto, it appears that I have to explain what these duties are about." The Hokage said calmly, taking his pipe out of his mouth (jeez, no wonder he wasn't strong enough to kick snake-perv's ass later on in the story. He's old and he smokes, not really a good combination), "everyday, the village gets many requests from babysitting to assassination."

"Hehe, you said ass."

The Hokage chose to ignore _that_ particular outburst,

"We get the requests and put them on lists, which are rated on their difficulty as A, B, C or D. The village itself is also divided on skill. As Hokage, I'm on top, then Jounin like Kakashi, the Chuunin like Iruka, followed by genin like you and students at the academy."

Iruka, who for some reason was there (does this guy not teach anymore??), stifled a giggle at the thought that had crossed his head while the Hokage was talking, _so...the Hokage is always on top?_

"Missions are then given out according to skill level, and if the mission is successful, we get paid. As newly made genin, D-rank missions are perfect for you."

Naruto had lost interest and turned his attentions to what he would eat for dinner that night, _so, it was pork ramen yesterday...miso sounds good for tonight_

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME NARUTO?"

Kakashi, gave the boy a not-so-gentle nudge with his foot, embarrassed,

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Geez, all you do is lecture me. But I'm not the trouble-making brat you still think I am!" Naruto yelled, proving himself wrong by turning his back to the Hokage, sitting down and crossing his arms, sulking. Very brattishly really.

Kakashi sighed, knowing his was going to get his ass kicked for this later.

Iruka stood up, ready to yell at Naruto, like he was his teacher again, but stopped, probably 'cos the irony of what Naruto had just said hit him and he smiled. The Hokage put his pipe back in his mouth and smiled.

"Okay. You want a cool mission? One that doesn't..._suck_? Well, if you want it that much...

"I'll give you a C-rank mission; it's a mission to protect a certain person."

"YAY!!!" Naruto burst out happily, jumping up and happy-time dancing, while Kakashi looked stunned and even Naruto's teammates were surprised that the Hokage had given in.

"Who is it? Who is it!? A lord?! A...a _princess_?!!"

"Calm down. I'm about to introduce him. Will you come in here please?"

A door opened slowly, and an old man stepped out, taking a swig from a bottle.

"Wha's this? They're all just a bunch of brats. Especially that short stupid looking one, is he really a ninja? Or is he a pet?"

Naruto looked around, trying to figure out who the old-man was talking about. The he realised.

"I'm gonna kill you!" he said, starting to rush forwards, but luckily Kakashi simply reached and grabbed his headful of blond hair, holding tight enough to hold the boy back.

"What is the point of killing the dude we're supposed to protect? Honestly, Naruto, I'm sure you have a brain somewhere in your head."

"I think we should get a doctor to check for one though." Sakura whispered to Sasuke, who didn't answer her, but wondered why he hadn't thought that comment.

"I'm the legendary bridge builder, Tazuna, who bridges are so legendary that legend tells of their legendary awesomeness. I expect super protection provided for me until I get back to my home country and complete the bridge."

(Later on in the Hokage's office, Iruka asked,

"You hadn't got tobacco in your pipe today, had you?"

"Nope!" the Hokage replied happily, then settled back in his chair and watched the pretty colours dance.)

~the next day~

"LET'S GO!!!" Naruto yelled as they all stood at the village gates, bouncing around in excitement.

"What are you so excited about?" Sakura asked him.

"I've never been allowed outside the village before, isn't it awesome!!"

"Are you _absolutely sure_ that I'm gonna be safe with this guy?" Tazuna asked, seriously worried.

"Look, I'm a Jounin, so, don't worry." Kakashi tried to calm the old dude.

"Hey! Don't mess with ninjas!! I'm pretty incredible!!" Naruto decided to yell, causing great amusement in the group.

"And I'm gonna surpass Hokage, and then you'll have to acknowledge me!!"

"Phh, you? Surpass Hokage? Yeah, right. And even if you did, I still wouldn't acknowledge you."

Kakashi grabbed the back of Naruto's jacket, almost absentmindedly, as the boy, once again, tried to rush the old dude, yelling,

"Let me at him!! I'll kill him!!!"

In a tree, some masked, cloaked figure was watching the team with interest. Just as he was about to jump down and sing,

"The PHAAAN-TOM OF THE OPPERAAA IS HEEEREE!" another masked cloaked figure pressed a chloroformed rag to his mouth, then threw him off the branch and took his turn watching.

"right, okay, so the quickest way to get to the Wave Country is by boat," Kakashi told everyone, "so, the plan is...we go to the nearest port, grab a ship, drop old legendary Tazuna off, chill a bit then head back home at a leisurely pace. Sound good? Good, this way."

And so...team 7 and their old man set off for the nearest port.

On the way there, Sakura asked a lot of awkward questions about why the Wave country didn't have its own ninjas, Naruto asked if they were nearly there yet (there will _always_ be one) every half an hour, and Sasuke was just plain brooding. Tazuna was also very unsocial, he was starting to wonder what would happen if Naruto was given coffee, or Monster, or any other energy drink, then he thought about that more carefully and decided that he didn't _want_ to know.

Because of this, when the team got attacked by some random dude who jumped up out of a puddle that shouldn't have existed, since there hadn't been any rain for about a month, it was kinda a relief for Kakashi.

Cue a not-so-epic battle in which the kids were pretty useless, well, except Sasuke who managed to save a couple of asses, including Naruto's-who froze as soon as he got injured (Sasuke: that doesn't mean I like him.

Wave Angel: Shuure Sasuke, you keep telling yourself that)

But it was up to Kakashi to save the day when Sasuke decided to be a hero and do the whole 'you'll have to get through ME first' thing by jumping in front of Sakura (Sasuke: that doesn't mean I like HER either!!

Wave Angel: yeah, Sasuke, we all see how you act when she's in danger. Just 'cos you're in denial)

After Kakashi kicked the attackers' asses and tied them to a tree, he turned to Naruto, who was still kinda in shock, and said,

"Sorry I didn't come save you as soon as you got injured Naruto, I didn't expect you to freeze. Anyway, nice job Sasuke."

Naruto, naturally, felt really embarrassed and frustrated and like he'd failed, and really annoyed cos Sasuke hadn't froze like him, and had saved his ass etc.

And then Sasuke decided to stir it.

"You alright, scaredy-cat?"

Naruto almost got up, but Kakashi told him not too, since moving would make the poison from the scratch the attacker had given him on his hand would spread. Then Kakashi told him that he had to let the blood out. While Naruto thought about this, Kakashi decided to have a go at Tazuna.

"These guys look like Hidden Mist Chuunins, and they're known to continue fighting no matter what. I think there's something you've not told us, legendary Tazuna." Kakashi faced the old guy angrily, "if there are shinobi after you then this becomes at least a B-rank mission. You told _us_ you wanted protection from robbers and chavs and so on."

"Then...we're out our depth. Let's go back to the village and treat Naruto's wound." Sakura said in a rush, she was really starting to miss her straightners.

"I guess we should go back." Kakashi conceded after a long period of thinking.

~somewhere else in a room, while all this is going on~

"you FAILED!!" a very short man with very big bodyguards screamed at the dude who lay on his sofa, perfectly chilled, his feet on the coffee table, a whack-off big sword across his back, "I paid you guys a lot of money 'cos I heard you were strong former ninjas!!"

The dude with the sword reached up to where his sword hilt protruded over his shoulder and grabbed it before unsheathing it and swinging...

~back with the team~

Naruto decided that, since things couldn't get any worse in his eyes (hey, he'd sucked at this battle, he felt pretty awful), he'd do a Sasuke and (no, not go on a revenge spree) go all emo, by sticking a sharp, unsterilized kunai in his hand. This naturally surprised everyone, especially Sasuke, as he was being out-emo-ed, for once.

Naruto was asking himself why he was always so far behind Sasuke (umm, _maybe_ cos he pays attention to people when they're telling him important stuff, Naruto) and beating himself up mentally as he dug the kunai even deeper into his hand.

"Naruto?! What the hel-heck are you doing?!!" Sakura screeched.

"isn't that obvious?" Kakashi asked her.

_I train, everyday, why am I not getting stronger? I'm not going to need saving EVER again. I'm not going to get afraid and run, and I WON'T LOSE TO SASUKE!! I swear it!! By the pain in my left hand...oh wait...this is my right hand...or is it my left...confused!! Anyway...with this kunai, I'll protect the old man and finish this mission!_

Unknown to Naruto, he'd said the last bit (from anyway...) out loud.

~back at that random room~

"Stop whining," sword due said, pointing his sword at the small dude, "this time me and the head cleaver will go...and they'll be dead."

The small dude was amazed that any sword could be as big as the one sword dude had just pulled out, but he still asked,

"Are you sure? I mean...the enemy appears to have hired some very skilled ninjas (Wave Angel: *chokes and spits out her martini* say what?!) and after the failure of the last two guys they'll be more prepared..."

"Who the hell do you think I am? There _is_ a reason _why_ I'm called the Devil of the Hidden Mist, Momochi Zabuza." (Wave Angel: no way. MOMOchi? *falls about laughing* I can't find that threatening when one of my best friends has a dachshund called Momo. And it's a _girl!!_)

~back with the team again~

"Yeah, Naruto? It's real great that you're letting all the poison out your hand but..." Kakashi was telling the blond boy seriously, "if you let out any more and you'll die from lack of blood, seriously." Serious and practical...but not full of tact, since it (naturally) sent the boy into a wild panic attack where he flapped about.

Finally, everyone managed to pin him down so Kakashi could bandage it up and stop the bleeding. While Kakashi did that, Sakura decided to make Naruto feel better by having a go at him,

"Honestly, what are you? Masochistic? What were you thinking?"

(Oh, so it's hot that Sasuke's emo, but when _Naruto _does it its masochistic? Nice double standards Sakura. Nice.)

As Kakashi watched, Naruto's hand began to heal at an impossible rate, causing Kakashi to stare at it in amazement, but obviously Naruto could only see the one eye, so it actually looked like Kakashi was making a scary face and it scared Naruto (who was beginning to wonder if his sensei had a split personality)

"Umm, hey...sensei? Am I...am I gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, you'll be fine. Just don't pick at it or it'll never get better."

Naruto immediately wanted to pick at it.

"Hey, sensei, we need to talk." Tazuna said, looking disheartened.

Kakashi went and stood with the old dude, a little bit away from the kids, and Tazuna told him his life story, including the fact that the Wave country was really, really, poor, so couldn't afford a B-rank mission and that if he died his little grandson would cry alot.

"Fine, we'll go on."

~eventually~

Kakashi, his team, and their old dude, made it to the port without more trouble, only to find it practically empty.

"Where is everyone?" Kakashi asked a local, who told him,

"They've all gone to sea, mate, raiding or fishing. There's only one ship left in port, and...Well...the captain...he's not all there, you see?"

Kakashi nodded, naturally he knew that many sea-men had missing limbs, he'd been here a few times now. Once he got directions to the ship, he picked up his team and the old man; he led them to the place the ship was moored.

They stared upwards in amazement. This ship was huge, built out of black timber for the one purpose that showed in its sleek lines: speed.

"Hello? Anyone on board?"

There was an answering crash, then a wild looking man, with dreadlocks and his goatee plaited into two appeared in view, on the ship.

"I am." He replied, looking unfocused, and swaying slightly.

"Great. I'm assuming you're the captain?" Kakashi shouted again.

"That's me. Captain Jack Sparrow. This 'ere's me Pearl."

"Lovely. We need passage to the Wave."

"I supply the ship, you get the supplies. Here's a list of what we need."

The Captain threw down a list and Kakashi read it:

_Rum, food (whatever you're gonna eat), Rum._

"Is this it? You don't want payment?"

"_That_ is what the _rum_ is for."

"Oh. Okay." Kakashi turned to his team, "looks like we're going shopping, guys!"

"Can we buy Monster?"

"NO!!!!" everyone shouted after Naruto's question.

Kakashi took a deep breath, "let's just go to Tesco, okay?"

~in Tesco~

"Okay. You guys go get some food; I and Tazuna will get the Captain his rum. We'll meet back here to pay for everything in about an hour, got that?"

But Kakashi was talking to himself, since everyone else had gone. He let out a sigh, and then headed for the alcohol aisle.

In supermarket somewhere, Naruto was racing around with his trolley, looking for his beloved Ramen. Finally, he found it, and filled his trolley, then headed back, since he'd got everything he wanted.

Elsewhere, Sakura was filling her trolley with very healthy things, such as fruit and vegetables, to keep away the scurvy and to fit in with her diet.

After an hour everyone met up. All in all, they had two trolleys of rum, one of fruit and veg, one of ramen, and one of...

"Sasuke, _what_ did you fill your trolley with?"

"Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Clusters. They're ludicrously tasty." The dark haired boy said, eyes shining enthusiastically, then he realised where and who he was. "Didn't know what else to get, so, whatever." He shrugged.

"Okay," Kakashi rubbed his temples, worriedly, "so for our supplies we have ramen, fruit and cereal?"

"You forgot the rum."

"And rum."

"Yep. That's what we have. Now can we go pay?"

"Fine." Kakashi sighed again. (Wow, it's starting to sound like New moon in there. If don't get that then I'll explain, if you just want to read then go for it and skip this bit. Basically, when I went to see new moon with my friend, she said that it was all basically sighs. Yeah, so there's my explanation.)

When they got back to the boat, Captain Jack helped them load the supplies then set sail.

~day one at sea~

The boat went up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down....

_I'm gonna puke again..._Kakashi thought, staggering to the side of the ship, and emptying his guts. Again.

The other members of the team where suffering just as much, staggering around green. Even Sasuke's hair clung to his forehead, as the boy death-glared the sea, as he leant over the ships rail, face green.

~day 8 at sea~

Kakashi woke up, feeling lots better, he hadn't been sick for two days now. He lay back in his hammock, just chilling for a bit. Then got out and stood looking out over the ocean. He felt a tug on his sleeve.

"Hmm?"

"Kakashi sensei?"

"Yes Naruto?"

"How long do guarantees last on babies?"

The Jounin frowned, "what?"

"How long do guarantees last on babies?"

"What?"

"Well, I was just wondering if we could take Sasuke back to the shop his parents got him from and trade him in for a better model, one who wasn't so emo and arrogant. Or just take him back and get their money back."

"Naruto, you don't get babies from..."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke appeared as Kakashi was about to explain to Naruto that babies don't come from shops.

"Taking you back to the baby shop to see if we can get our money back." Naruto laughed, sticking his tongue out.

"Don't be stupid Naruto, babies don't come from shops!"

"Oh? And I suppose you know where they do come from?"

"Yes." Sasuke smiled smugly.

_Oh, boy..._Kakashi thought unhappily.

"Where?"

"Parents send a letter to the stork delivery company and then they send a Stork with a baby."

"What's a stork?"

"It's a big bird." Kakashi answered, relaxing slightly.

"Ha! No way would a _bird_ be able to carry a baby! You don't know what you're talking about Sasuke. Babies come from shops!"

"Storks!"

"Shops!"

"Storks!!"

"Shops!!!"

"Storks!!!"

"Sakura!!" Naruto called over the girl, who joined them as Kakashi put his head in his heads, "where do babies come from? Do storks bring them, or do you get them from shops?"

"Neither, silly!" she said, making Kakashi panic once again, "you find babies under goose-berry bushes!"

The boys stared at her.

"That can't be right!"

"I was told it was storks!"

"So we _can't _take Sasuke back to the shops and get a refund? Bummer!"

Kakashi decided to make a run for it before they asked him where babies come from.

"Hey Kakashi sensei, where do...babies...come...from..." Naruto looked around, "he's gone! He was right here a moment ago!"

"Let's ask Captain Jack instead!"

So the kids charged at Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Captain Jack, how are babies made?"

"Well..." (Sparrow tells them the whole story, as shown in the advert, in the link below)

.com/watch?v=tLvWfsOCxPA&feature=fvw

When he'd finished they all looked at him with varying expressions of disgust, then...

"Ewwwwwwww!!! That's GROSS!!!"

"Like grown-ups would do THAT!!!!"

"It's completely irrational."

"And how come girls have babies?"

"Duh, its cos we're awesome, obviously."

Sasuke and Naruto stared at Sakura, then shared a look, and then burst into laughter, rolling around on the floor, making Sakura flush with embarrassment and anger.

"It's true!!"

~day ten~

Kakashi was sick of seeing ramen and cereal now. He was sick of fruit, and he was especially sick of rum, since it was the only drink they had on board and the kids were all light-weights so got drunk quickly, and it wasn't fun. He decided that he would never drink again.

He'd also never leave land again if he had his way, he was sick of seeing nothing but the horrible salty water that you couldn't drink without being even thirstier or throwing up. Kakashi buried his head in his arms, trying to hide within himself as the kids raised their voices in song again...

_Oh no...No...Not that....anything but that....please, not that..._

But it was that. The "Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom" song. (Please try to imagine Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura harmonising this)

"Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
(repeat x2)  
Nom nom (om nom)  
nom nom (om nom)  
nom nom (om nom)  
nom nom (om nom)  
(repeats)  
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom  
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!!!"

As soon as they'd finished, they started again. Kakashi couldn't take it anymore; this was the twenty-third time they'd sung it today. He raced up to the top deck, and leapt at them.

(This scene has been erased due to visions of a violent nature)

~day 14~

The ship finally docked. Kakashi stalked off the ship, followed by his slightly battered team.

"Thick mist today." Kakashi remarked to Tazuna who nodded,

"If we follow the river we'll see the bridge, and the wave country is at the base. We'll need a long boat."

"Captain...?"

"Take it. Just take those kids with you." Captain Jack was far worse for wear and as soon as the team were in the long boat he set sail himself, not caring where he was going, as long as it was away from them.

Naruto sat in the front of the ship, looking eagerly ahead, so naturally he was the first to spot it.

"There!! It's HUGE!!"

"I told you it was."

(Greystripe: think he's compensating for something? Hehehehehe...*sees Wave Angel's face* what?

Wave angel: *hits him* that's for quoting Shrek, and interrupting my spoof yet again! Don't make me fetch the light sabre!)

"Now, shut up! We're hiding in the mist for a reason. If Gatou finds us..."

"We'll be there soon."

And so...the awesome and epic team 7 found their way to the far off Wave Country, where no-one has money and where ninjas are nonexistent.

TO BE CONTINUED....

* * *

woo!! finished. so i'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed so far, especially on my Ninjas vs what page...i am still thinking about it though. R&R please people!! thank you.


	5. Why Orochimaru left the Akatsuki:theorys

_Wave Angel: hey people! I got bored and decided to do these things. I know they make this all, non-chronological (probably) but they amuse me. Also, I apologise for them being in script style, but since they're mainly dialogue (ooo, posh word!) it would be silly to do them in normal story style. i also apologise for the bad spelling in the chapter title, i blame the computer for not giving me enough room. Hope you enjoy!!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own 'animals do the funniest things', Naruto or McDonalds, and these are based on fan comics I found on Google images (^^)_

**Theories of why Orochimaru left the Akatsuki**

**Theory one: I'm Eviler!!**

**Orochimaru:** *walks into room with muffin* hey, Itachi, guess what?

**Itachi:** *(is sat in the comfy chair in the Akatsuki headquarters snug) in bored voice* what?

**Orochimaru:** *proudly* I just got promoted.

**Itachi:** *sarcastically* whoopee.

**Orochimaru:** *gloating* I guess that means I'm eviler than you.

**Itachi:** huh. In your _dreams, _maybe.

**Orochimaru:** no, I am. I am sooo eviler than you.

**Itachi:** *turns around in chair* you know that taste you get when you drink orange juice after you've brushed your teeth?

**Orochimaru:** ick, that taste is gross. I hate it.

**Itachi:** I LOVE it.

**Orochimaru:** *gasps* No!

**Itachi:** *nods* that is...when I actually brush my teeth!

**Orochimaru:** *O.O* that is gross!

**Itachi:** *nods* do you like puppies?

**Orochimaru:** *8D* yeah! They're so cute, and fluffy, and small, and-

**Itachi:** I kick them!

**Orochimaru:** *gasps in horror* No! You Monster!

**Itachi:** you know all your videos of "animals do the funniest things"?

**Orochimaru:** *warily* yes?

**Itachi:** I taped over them!

**Orochimaru:** you didn't!

**Itachi:** I did, and you know that burger you had the other day?

**Orochimaru:** *quavers* yes?

**Itachi:** I spat on it!!

**Orochimaru:** *gasps again, eyes wide* No!!

**Itachi:** and that muffin you're eating right now?

**Orochimaru:** *clutches muffin closer to him* what about it?

**Itachi:** *with evil expression* I DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR!!

**Orochimaru:** *horrified* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

~later that day~

**Pein:** *sifting through the post* bill, bill, credit card, virgin media advert, bill...wait, _virgin media?_ *looks at advert more closely* Awww, it's just for cable TV, damn. Bill, bill...resignation letter?

**Letter:** Pein,

This is my letter of resignation; I have found that the Akatsuki is going in a different direction to the one I wish to go in. I have also found that I am no longer treated with the respect I deserve. Therefore, I am resigning. Smell ya later!

Orochimaru.

**Pein:** *stares at letter then re-reads it* hey guys!! Come read this!! You won't believe it!! Itachi finally got rid of him!! *Pein's thoughts: Damn! Now I owe Kisame a tenner!*

**Tobi:** *pops up randomly* does that mean Tobi can join now?

**Pein:** No.

**Tobi:** *wails* but Tobi has been a good boy!!

**Pein:** but Orochimaru has taken his ring with him!! And we're too broke to buy another one! Plus we killed the jeweller who made them, so...

**Tobi:** *sad face*

**Theory 2: Itachi found your posters.**

**Orochimaru:** *is drinking milkshake out of Maccy D's cup thing*

**Deidara:** Orochimaru, the group has had a meeting and-

**Orochimaru:** what? And I wasn't invited? Then don't bother me, can't you see I'm busy shlurping?

**Deidara:** yeah...but we took a vote and decided that you're not part of the group anymore, un.

**Orochimaru:** *spits out drink in whoosh* say what?!

**Deidara:** you have to pack your things and leave, un.

Orochimaru: but...but...but...but...why? Why the HELL would you do that for?! Seriously, I need at least one good reason!

**Deidara:** well, you consistently leave you clothes all over the floor, you don't clean up after your 'experiments', you don't take your turns on the chore list, when it's your turn to pick the movie for movie night its always something weird and perverted, you're constantly bringing underage boys into your lab with promises of candy and power...

~flash back~

**Orochimaru:** come with me, little kiddies, I've got candy, and I'll give it to you!

**Small boys:** yay! Candy!

~flash back ends~

**Deidara:** and finally, Itachi found those posters of his little brother in your room, you know *Deidara looks uncomfortable* those disturbing ones. *rubs back of head* see, the thing is, you've been giving people the wrong expression about what we _actually _do; and then there's the neighbours-

**Orochimaru:** OH COME ON!! I'm not _that_ bad!! Its soo not true!!

**Deidara:** fine, give me a good reason for you to stay, un.

**Orochimaru:** well, I...I...umm...*thinks*...so Itachi found those posters huh?

**Deidara:** that isn't helping you know, and I'm waiting, un.

**Orochimaru:** ...I'll go pack my bags.

**Deidara:** *nods* good idea, un. And I'd hurry 'cos when Itachi gets hold of you...

**Orochimaru:** *zooms away leaving dust cloud*

_Wave angel: well, there you go. Two theories on why Orochimaru left the Akatsuki. I may keep adding some of these not-really-relevant-but-sorta-relevant things in here, to break up the spoof. Tell me what you think people!!_

_Oh, and for those who want to find the fan comics that inspired this...this one is the one for eviler than you:_

./imgres?imgurl=.&imgrefurl=.&usg=__UyChl4AXzZEh1vW5rrFL2k1pafA=&h=748&w=473&sz=181&hl=en&start=43&itbs=1&tbnid=XQsV_3GgmXmhLM:&tbnh=141&tbnw=89&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dnaruto%2Bfan%2Bcomic%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D21%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D42

_Umm....you'll have to look for the other one, since I can't find it *looks down* sorry. If I think of any more then I will add...maybe to this one, or just another chapter, whichever is easier to do I suppose._


	6. how orochimaru chooses his sound nins

Wave angel: so I was thinking, how on earth does Orochimaru choose his sound ninjas? And this came to me. He auditions them. So here it is. YES: it is supposed to be in script form...it's a TV show.

**DISCLAIMER:** Yeah, I don't own Naruto, the 'X' factor, Simon Cowell, any of the songs (even the one kabuto sings about JLS) famous people/bands, Chegger's choice, Murtagh, Voldemort, M&S, Kerrang, Alexandar the meercat OR (don't do it!! you'll get spam!!)

**WARNING: **THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SWEARING, ME INSULTING JLS THROUGH KABUTO, JEDWARD, CASCADA, HEAVY METAL BANDS, SCREAMING FANGIRLS, FLYING UNDERWEAR, FIREBALLS AND MEERCATS

**How Orochimaru chooses his sound-ninjas**

**OR**

**!!!The 'S' Factor!!!**

Host: hello! And welcome to the semi-finals of... "The 'S' Factor"!!!! After the gruelling Auditions and the difficult second round, the remaining acts in the competition are now fighting against each other, for the coveted prize that is... A LIFETIME OF SERVITUDE IN THE VILLAGE OF HIDDEN SOUND!!! So now the acts are going head to head for the votes of both our judges _and_ you! So, without further ado, BRING ON THE JUDGES!!!! He's all the way from Konoha; he probably knows the secret to eternal youth...it's....Maito Gai!!

Gai: *walks on to...ummm....some really cool jazzy-fied music that reflects his youthfulness, and sits down in the judges' booth* I'm really excited to be here today!! I can't wait to see the beautiful youthfulness of the acts!!

Audience: *cheers*

Host: he's the main man of the panel, he's had some bad press but we love him non-the-less...he's, the one, the only....OROCHIMARU-SAMA!!!!

Orochimaru: *walks on to "Palladio" (YouTube it....Escada played it on Britain's got talent) and sits down* I'm looking for the act with enough talent to become the next Sound-nin team!

Audience: *cheers again*

Host: and last but NOT least...he's the Mr. Nasty of the panel, he's the one you love to hate...it's... (Wave angel: No. It isn't Simon Cowell) Kabuto!!!

Kabuto: *walks on to menacing music and boos from the audience (Well, except a few of them, who throw their underwear at him) and sits down* this had better be good, I'm missing the opportunity to mock other TV shows.

Host: well...you've met the judges, so let's bring on the first act of this evening!! They're the heart throbs _every _girl wants a piece of (wave angel: yeah, so I can torture it! Muahahahahahaha!!!) It's...J.L.S!!!!!

Fangirls in the audience: (wild screams) *they all have mental nosebleeds...some have real nosebleeds...and somewhere a fight breaks out...*

Fangirl2007: You cow!! He's mine!!!

Fangirl900784: Whore!!! Why'd he want an ugly prostitute like you!!

Fangirl2007: *screams and jumps on the other fangirl, pulling her hair, etc*

JLS: *walk on and start singing*

Everybody in love, go put your hands up  
Everybody in love, go put your hands up  
Everybody in love, go put your hands up  
If you're in love, put your hands up hand up

You know you need someone  
When the need's so strong  
When they're gone you don't know how to go on  
So the whole world is stuck in a moment  
Standing still until they come back

You accept that they've, got things to do  
But sometimes in the end there's nothing left for you  
If hurt is missing your baby  
I've done too much of it lately

Cuz' every minutes like an hour  
Every hours like a day  
Every day lasts forever  
But what else am I gonna do  
I'd wait forever and a day for you  
I wait up, wait up  
I can't eat, I can't sleep  
what else could it be missing so deep  
long as I'm where you're going to  
I'd wait forever and a day for you  
I wait up, wait up for you

And even when we mad, and say we're through  
Deep inside you feel the same way I do  
Might as well turn around and just end this  
Cause it's harder trying' to stay mad  
I could tell you that you can't stay here  
Knowing just as soon as you disappear  
That I'll be missing you baby  
Soon as you get up and you walk away

(I'm not gonna put it all...since it's the same as the above lyrics, plus it's melting my brain so...you get the picture anyway right?)

*they finish and all the fangirls scream even louder*

Host: wow!! Just listen to _that_ you guys! The crowd loves you!! (Wave angel: excuse me; I have to go puke...) Let's see what the judges say!

Gai: what can I say? You were so youthful out there!! The costumes were _perfect_ and the choreography? Spectacular! You are in the full bloom of the springtime of youth!!!

Kabuto: *chokes on his water* (for obvious reasons, the judges are not allowed any drink other than water. What do you mean what reasons?? Do you _really _want to see what _Gai _is like on caffeine or sugar?? No? Thought not.)

Orochimaru: Good? You guys were a-may-zing!!! The choreography, the music, the way you interacted with the audience, it was superb! I don't actually know enough superlatives to describe your performance!!!

Kabuto: okay...I'm gonna give a reality check here. A-we're looking for people who can fight...I'm not convinced you guys can, you just looked like a boy-band/ piece of eye candy for screaming fangirls, I mean, come on you guys! You looked like slimy, stuck up, idiots. The music...so tacky it was 'Chegger's choice of the worst records ever' worthy, and it was _soo_ repetitive. Seriously guys, how long did it take for you to learn the song? Two hours? The outfits were just plain awful. _None_ of the colours suited you, and you should actually_ shoot _your choreographer. It. was. Terrible. You should have been singing:

Cos I can't sing

And I can't dance,

My clothes don't fit,

And I am a greasy prat.

And this song I am singing is crap,

Its crap

Its crap

It's crap.

Because, frankly, you SUCKED.

Host: ouch. Well boys, let's see what votes you get from the judges.

Gai: it's a definite yes from me!

Orochimaru: I loved your performance, it's a yes (wave angel: *scowls* he's just saying that cos he is secretly a fangirl inside.)

Kabuto: (sarcastically) it's a yes.

JLS: really??

Kabuto: no. I was being sarcastic. It's the only way I can get through this show without alcohol.

Host: that was just evil.

Kabuto: I'm the only one here who's in the E-CluB.

Host: what does that actually mean?

Kabuto: unless you become part of it, you will never know.

(Wave angel: but you guys fit the requirements, since you're reading this thing, so...it stands for the Evil, Cool, Badasses. This is basically a group where I put all the characters I know I shouldn't like. Like Itachi. Or Murtagh. Or Voldemort. Or...yeah, you get the picture right?)

Host: whatever. Well JLS, you have two votes from the judges.

JLS: *walk off to cheers*

Host: next up, it's those amazing performers...it's JEDWARD!!!

Kabuto: did I just hear the words 'Jedward' and 'amazing' in the same sentence? (Wave angel: this is why he's in the E-CluB)

Fangirls: (scream hysterically)

Jedward: *walk on and start to sing and dance to 'Under Pressure (Ice ice baby)'*

Yo VIP  
lets kick it!

Pressure, pushing down on me  
Pressing down on you, no man ask for  
Under pressure, that burns a building down  
Splits a family in two  
Puts people on streets

All right stop (Wave angel: HAMMERTIME!!)  
Collaborate and listen  
Jedward's back with a brand new invention  
something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly  
will it ever stop?  
Yo - I don't know  
Turn off the lights and I'll glow  
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal  
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

Pressure, pushing down on me  
Pressing down on you, no man ask for

(Etc.)

*they finish and everyone goes crazy, for some reason I don't quite understand*

Host: well done guys! Let's go to the judges.

Gai: the choreography was beautiful, so youthful!

Orochimaru: the outfits...spot on! You really made the song come alive.

Kabuto: well, you guys would fit in with the whole, Hidden Sound idea, if only because after hearing _that_ I want your sound to _remain_ hidden. You were out of tune, you chose to mix an awesome Queen Song with someone else's copy of 'Under Pressure' and, incredibly, it turned out even _worse_. And, are you blind as well as death? Those outfits...no. Just no. You, *points to one of the twins* your fly was undone the entire performance, either that or your trousers don't fit you right, and don't get me _started_ on the dancing, if you can call it that!!

Other Judges: *glare*

Kabuto: it's a No from me.

Orochimaru: (camply) ignore him, you guys were amazing tonight, it's a yes from me.

Gai: and a yes from me!

Host: so...Jedward also get two votes!

Audience: *applauds as Jedward walk off*

Host: and now, we have our third act of the night...it's Dosu, Zaku and Kin!! (aka. The sound nin people who are defeated by rookies. I know, right?)

D, Z&K: *walk on and start playing the flute, bells and horn*

....

*they finish*

Gai: that was incredible! The tones, the dynamics, so youthful!

Orochimaru: *wipes eyes* that *sniff* was beautiful. There was just so much raw emotion in your music....it was just...*bursts into tears*

Kabuto: here *passes him a tissue*

Orochimaru: *sniffles* thank you *blows his nose*

Kabuto: well...I actually thought you were pretty good. Your music was unique and it was obvious you'd put alot of time and effort into this, unlike the last two acts. It's a yes from me.

Orochimaru: *bursts into sobs and nods*

Kabuto: *sighs* it's a yes from him too.

Gai: and a yes from me!

Host: THREE yeses!!

D, Z & K: *walk off to cheers*

Host: phew, what a start to the show! We'll be back with more acts, after the break.

~Break~

Alexander: *sat in bubble bath* everyday now, I get people visiting my website in search of cheap car insurance. So every day I am _forced_ to have, relaxing, warm bubble bath *switches on bubble bath* ooo, lovely.

Compare the meercat dot com, compare the _market_ dot com.

Simples!!

~end of break~

Host: welcome back to the 'S' factor!! So we've had three amazing acts, let's see who we have up next...it's...Linkin Park!!!

Linkin Park: *walk on*

Fangirls: *scream and have mental nosebleeds*

Linkin Park: *start playing with awesome guitar riffs and drum solos*

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me  
I remembered each flash as time began to blur  
Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me  
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean  
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes  
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between  
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned  
There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow  
And the ground caved in between where we were standing  
And your voice was all I heard that I'd get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean  
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide

In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny  
And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide  
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean  
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes  
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between  
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide  
Across this new divide, across this new divide.

Audience: *ears bleed from sheer awesomeness of Linkin Park. Several start a Mosh-pit*

Linkin Park: *finish*

Gai: that was so youthful!! A little heavy for my tastes, but still incredible.

Orochimaru: that. Was. Amazing. You guys came, you saw, you ROCKED!!!

Kabuto: thank god, maybe this is the turning point and we're going to see even more talent now, since you blew away the first two acts. The riffs were superb, the solos electrifying. If you don't get through I will physically _kill_ the audience.

Audience: O.O

Kabuto: I mean it! (Naruto: believe it!! *Sakura hits him* ouch!) It's a yes from me.

Orochimaru: and me.

Gai: and me.

Host: another three yeses!!

Linkin Park: *walk off to cheers and screams. Someone throws their underwear onto the stage*

Host: okay, our next act is Cascada!

Cascada: *walks on and starts to sing evacuate the dance floor. (I'm not putting the words, since you all probably know them)*

Kabuto: *puts his head in his heads*

Cascada: *finishes*

Audience: *goes wild and raves*

Host: wow, that was-

Kabuto: awful?

Audience and other judges: *gasp*

Kabuto: am I the only sane person here? Or is everyone else listening to a different song to me? 'Evacuate the dancefloor'? If _that_ song came on I _would_. The best bit, other than the song ending, was that dude there rapping!

Orochimaru: (shocked) kabuto! Why are you being _so_ mean?!

Kabuto: I'm not! I'm being truthful!

Orochimaru: *annoyed* you've hardly had a good thing to say to any of the acts!

Kabuto: I complimented Dosu, Zaku and Kin! And Linkin Park!

Orochimaru: you've insulted everyone else!

Gai: *sighs* domestics are soo unyouthful.

Kabuto: I've only insulted the acts who sucked!!

Orochimaru: they didn't suck!!!

Kabuto: well, that just goes to show your bad taste in music!

Audience: *gasp and watch avidly*

Host: *sidles away out of range of weapons*

Orochimaru: *tips glass of water over Kabuto* _I_ never insult _your_ taste in music!! *flounces off*

Audience: *cheer Orochimaru, who half curtseys, half bows, before leaving to go backstage*

Gai: *shakes his head* so unyouthful.

Kabuto: *annoyed* oh _great_, now I have to go change my suit. *gets up and leaves*

Host: *comes out from behind a pillar* well...we'll find out the judges votes after this short break, during which I hope they'll calm down. Don't go changing!

~Break~

Random voice over voice: *seductively* this isn't any ramen...it's freshly made by master chefs, using only the freshest ingredients...and swimming in our _special_ sauce.

(Naruto: *watching this and drooling. Gets up and puts his coat on*

Kakashi: where are you going? The show will be back on soon!

Naruto: I actually _need_ that ramen. *leaves*)

This isn't any ramen...this, is M&S ramen.

~end of break~

Host: welcome back to the 'S' factor!! Our judges have cooled off now, so we'll finally find out the judges' scores for Cascada!

Gai: (now sat between Orochimaru and Kabuto) it's a yes from me.

Kabuto: it's a no.

Orochimaru: *rolls eyes* (sarcastically) Hmph, no surprise there.

Kabuto: *looks around* oh? Did someone say something?

Orochimaru: that's just childish.

Host: ummm....Orochimaru? Your vote please?

Orochimaru: a resounding YES!

Host: okay, two yeses.

Cascada: *walks off to applause*

Host: and now it's time for the last act, before the judges attack each other...

Orochimaru and Kabuto: *deathglare at each other*

Host: it's...N-DUBZ!!!

Kabuto: oh god.

N-DUBZ: *walk on to cheers and start "singing". Eventually they finish, to Kabuto's relief, and the crowd cheers again*

Host: whoo, that was stunning, let's see what the judges have to say.

Orochimaru: I thought you were wonderful. It's a yes from me.

Gai: you were so youthful, another yes!

Kabuto: no, no, no, no, NO!! You, in the hat, if you're going to insist on wearing a hat indoors then at least wear it properly, you look like an idiot!!! It's a no from me.

Host: two yeses!! (N-DUBZ walks off to cheers) well, that's the last act of the semi-finals! Make sure you vote for the act you want to go through!! To vote just go to...

.com/epicfail and click your favourite!! We'll get the results, after the break!

~oOo~

Kakashi: *pulls out his mobile and goes on the internet on it (hey, he's on orange dolphin, he has free internet)*

Sakura: who you voting for?

Kakashi: JLS, I want to see them get their asses kicked. Oh, and Linkin park.

Sakura: I didn't know you were into that kind of music sensei.

Kakashi: me? I love to mosh.

~oOo~

Voice over: do you have a problem? Has someone in your family betrayed you? Not rich enough to afford professional help? Then call 0800 122 300 and get a place on the Jeremy Kyle show!!

(Naruto: *walks in with ramen box* hey Sasuke, you should go on that!

Sasuke: *deathglares*

Naruto: I bet they could do a whole show on just you and your revenge issues!

Sasuke: *deathglares* shut _up_, dobe.

Sasuke's thoughts: he is soooo going on the list.

Mini Sasuke in his mind: I am revenge!! Yes!!! Another one on the list!!!

The list: Itachi, that dude who ate the last cookie in the cafe, Itachi, the person who bumped into me and made me spill my iron bru all over my gorgeous self, the person who told Sakura where I live (Naruto: *innocent whistling*), Itachi...

Mini Sasuke (revenge): *writes 'Naruto' on the list*

Kakashi: *watching Sasuke, thinks* oh god, he's making that mental revenge list again!)

~oOo~

Host: and welcome back!! The voting options are now closed! It's time for the results!!

(The lights go down and acts get spotlighted as tense music plays.)

In no particular order; the first act, through to the final is...

(Camera switches from one act to another every so often and music gets tenser)

........JEDWARD!!!

Audience: *wilds cheers and screams*

(Jedward's light goes off)

Host: the second act, through to tonight's final, is...

(Again with the camera thing)

...........LINKIN PARK!!!!

Audience: *cheers, again, someone throws underwear onto the stage*

(Linkin Park's light goes off)

Host: the third act, through to the final, is....

(Camera thing again)

........J.L.S!!!!!

Fangirls: *scream wildly and throw underwear onto the stage*

(Wave angel: is there anyone in the audience still _wearing _underwear?)

(JLS's light goes off)

Host: now now girls, calm down. The last act, through to tonight's final is...

(Camera thing and the music gets even more tense)

......Dosu, Zaku and kin!!!!!

Audience: *cheers*

(Dosu, Zaku and Kin's light goes off)

Host: N-DUBZ, Cascada, I'm afraid you will now be fed to the velociraptors.

N-DUBZ & Cascada: what?!

Host: take them away.

Security: *drag Cascada and N-DUBZ off*

N-DUBZ & Cascada: *scream*

Host: sooo.....who wants to watch? *pulls out remote and presses a button. A TV screen at the back of the stage turns on and shows Cascada and N-DUBZ surrounded by velociraptors...*

**THIS SCENE HAD BEEN REMOVED DUE TO THE SHEER GORY MESS THE DINOS MADE. IT SEEMS THEY SHARED KABUTO'S VIEW ON THE TWO ACT'S MUSICAL TALENTS.**

Audience: O.O

Host: O.O

Orochimaru: O.O

Gai: *puking into a bucket* so...unyouthful-bleugh!!!

Kabuto: *claps happily* I trained them well!!!

Host: oh-kay...let's move on quickly, while trying to get those images out of our heads, to the finals!!! For this section of the show our acts will have to battle it out!! And the first battle will be between....

Linkin Park and JEDWARD!!!!

Jedward and Linkin park: *walk onto the stage at opposite ends*

Jedward: *charge at Linkin park*

Linkin park: *strum guitar which sends a rippling shockwave out and knock Jedward over. They nod at each other and start shredding*

(Fireballs fall from the sky, lightning flashes, thunder rolls, and a huge twister rips into the stage)

Linkin park: *stop playing*

Jedward: *lie on the floor twitching*

Host: Linkin park win!!!!

Audience: *cheer wildly*

Security: *take Jedward off the stage and feed them to the dinos*

Host: well, next up are Dosu, Zaku and Kin against....JLS!!!!

Both: *walk on*

JLS: *start singing*

D, Z &K: *ears bleed and their minds start to melt. One of them raises his arm and sends a blast of air at JLS, releasing them from the awful singing*

**TWO MINUTES LATER**

JLS: *ripped to shreds*

(Sakura: O.O no!! Not JLS!!!

Kakashi: *pops popcorn in his mouth (he's taken his mask down, I _know_ right?) that was good.

Naruto: good? It was _better _than good, it was awesome!

Sasuke: humph, it could have been better.

Naruto: yeah, well, not everyone spends all their free time imagining painful and messy ways to kill people.

Sasuke: *deathglares*)

Host: Dosu, Zaku and Kin win!!!! So now they will fight Linkin Park!!!

Random technician: *walks on and whispers something in the host's ear.*

Host: *coughs* okay, thank you. Well people, it seems that Linkin park have been called away to some 'Kerrang' gig, or something so....by default....Dosu, Zaku and Kin are the winners!!!!

Audience: *cheers*

Orochimaru: *leads them away*

Kabuto and Gai: *wave to the audience and leave also*

Host: well, that's all folks, goodbye and goodnight!!!

**No animals were harmed in the making of this show.**

Wave angel: so there you have it! Hope you enjoyed it and that you didn't actually try to vote. R&R people!!! Or you may never find out why Kakashi fears squirrels, or see Orochimaru in suspenders- wait...that's not really a good thing is it? Just R&R please. Please?


	7. The Wave Country: Part 1

Wave angel: phew...sorry this one's soooo long! _And_ that it's been ages since I updated...at least...for the actual plot anyway. I have no excuse. And for that, I am truly sorry. Oh! And BIG thank you to sandydragon, who reviews every chapter.

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the random cello-playing shark, Voldemort, the song "everybody dance now!" Nintendo DS (well I own one, but you know), Guitar hero, Naruto, Pokémon, Murtagh, and...Oh...that's it? Okay. Go read on now.**

* * *

**The Wave Country (Kakashi VS. Sword dude)**

Team 7 and their old man walked through the forest, with Naruto wasting his shurikens by throwing them at harmless woodland creatures, such as bunnies, and squirrels- (Kakashi: squirrels are _not_ harmless!

Wave angel: why are you so scared of squirrels? Oh wait, I'm gonna explain that later on aren't I, never mind!)

-And shadows.

"Naruto, _please_, just stop wasting weapons! It's seriously dangerous right now."

"Hey, what's that?" Naruto threw a shuriken at it, "oh, just a rat."

"Hey! You little douchebag!! Stop acting like an idiot!!" Old man Tazuna yelled.

"He isn't acting; this is what he's always like." Sasuke told him.

"I know that! It was just a figure of speech!" _damn, I hate smart kids._

"There!" Naruto threw another shuriken.

THUD. Sakura cuffed him over the head, knocking him over (OMG! Super Sakura's powers are hinted at here! Um....if you haven't read that far yet then...*waves hands mystically* you didn't read anything...).

"I said stop it!!"

"But, I swear, we're being followed!!" (Random shark: *playing cello* duh-dum...duh-dum...duh-du-

Wave angel: *death glares*

Random shark: I'll stop now

Wave angel: good idea)

"Yeah right Naruto."

Kakashi stepped over a dead rabbit.

"Look what you did Naruto!" Sakura yelled at the poor boy again, "you killed this poor, sweet, innocent bunny!"

_That's a snow rabbit. But it's white, in the middle of spring, when it should be brown. It's been kept somewhere for body switching...maybe Naruto isn't as paranoid as he seems...maybe...hmmm...so they're here already, _thought Kakashi.

In a tree, sword dude (I refuse to use his real name, since it makes me laugh too much. And why the heck do all ninjas hide in trees yet don't look in trees when being stalked??) Watched the team and their old man and understood why the last ninjas he'd sent were useless.

_So...the leaf's copy-cat ninja, Shagrigan Kakashi...no wonder they failed so miserably and had to commit suicide._

"Everyone get down!" Kakashi yelled as soon as his Ninja senses tingled. Everyone dropped to the floor as a huge sword whizzed over their heads, after which it buried itself in a tree, and stood on it was...

Kakashi looked up, and stopped Naruto from attempting to 'kill' this dude, since it would've been Naruto who got killed,

"Well, well," Kakashi said, keeping tight hold of Naruto, in case the boy got some stupid idea into his head, "Momochi Zabuza, missing-nin of the Hidden Mist." He looked back at his team, "everyone stay back, this guys on another level."

Kakashi started to pull up his forehead protector, on the side that covered his eye, obviously, as he continued,

"Even for me, against this guy, it'll be a little tough...unless...I do _this..."_

**TO BE CONTINUED....**

**...IMMEDIATELY...**

"So, you appear to be Shagrigan Kakashi, sorry and all that, but...the old man...is MINE."

_Wtf is Shagrigan?_ Thought Naruto and Sakura. Naturally Sasuke knew what it was since he is all knowing and stuff ((rolls eyes) no seriously he knew about it 'cos it's sorta his family's trait; you know, like funny toes, or bendiness, or blond hair, only its some random spinny outy eyes thing). Anyways, since Sasuke knew about it, and as he was the last Uchicha, he was naturally very surprised to learn that Kakashi had it.

"Okay kids, surround and protect Tazuna-san. DO NOT, are you listening Naruto? DO NOT ENTER THE FIGHT. That's the teamwork here." Kakashi ordered them.

"Okay Zabuza, first...you'll have to get through me!" Kakashi removed the headband from his eye, showing off his Shagrigan!

Naruto gaped openly at it, since he was the one stood next to Kakashi, and was incredibly confused. _What the hell's with that eye?_

"Wow, I already get to see the famous Shagrigan? I _am _a lucky boy!" Zabuza said sarcastically.

"Whoa, what the hell is this Shagrigan?" Naruto burst out loudly (I swear he has only one volume: loud)

"Shagrigan is when you have pupils that can read any type of jutsu: Tai, gen and Nin; there are supposedly a few different types." Sasuke explained quietly, since he was the only Shagrigan expert besides Kakashi, who was busy watching Zabuza, "but that's not all-"

"Yes, the _really_ scary thing is that you can copy your opponent's techniques once you've seen them once." Zabuza offered.

_How does this guy know? And that wasn't what I was going to say, I was going to explain about how it could-_

"Yes, the Shagrigan wielders. When I was a member of the Hidden Mist's assassin team I had a handbook that included info on you guys..." (This handbook is called 'The Idiots guide to dangerous ninjas' and has info on every ninja family and special techniques) "And in it, it said, "the man who has copied over a 1,000 jutsu...copy cat ninja Kakashi."

"I'm not a cat." Kakashi pointed out.

Sakura gave extremely confused looks out. She just didn't get anything, but that didn't stop her from thinking Kakashi even more awesome. Naruto was thinking along the same lines. Sasuke was brooding (*rolls eyes* the boy needs a hobby) over how the hell Kakashi had the Shagrigan when only of few of the (now extinct apart from Sasuke and Itachi-

Sasuke:*growls* HE. WHO. MUST. NOT. BE. NAMED.

Wave angel: douche, that's _Voldemort_, who is just as awesome as Itachi.

Sasuke: Itachi is _not_ awesome.

Wave angel: obviously he is, since he's in the E-CluB

Sasuke: Wtf is that?

Wave angel: you will never know, as you don't quite fit the criteria right now.

Sasuke: why??!

Wave angel: a-you run off with Orochimaru, so don't fit by default. B-I need no other reasons, but anyway, you leave Naruto for dead, so...

Sasuke: whatever. Anyway, I insist you call Itachi THAT MAN then.

Wave angel: phh, in your dreams. Now get outta here, some of us have authoressing to do. Don't make me fetch the dinosaur!) Eh hem, yes where was I? Oh yes.

Sasuke was brooding over how the hell Kakashi knew the Shagrigan when only a few of the Uchicha clan knew it. Therefore, if only the Uchicha had it, Sasuke could only wonder if Kakashi was somehow related to him. (Maybe if he had been, then Sasuke wouldn't have gone AWOL. What a bummer, Kakashi could have pretended, for Christ's sake! But then I guess there would be no sasuXnaru story that every loves (including me!))

"I have to kill the old man. So lets' stop talking and use actions." Zabuza said impatiently.

"Bring. It. on." Kakashi replied, taking a fighting stance.

Cue music! "Every-body dance now!"

Kakashi and Zabuza started having an epic ninja-style dance-off (I know! Your mind has just exploded from the sheer awesomeness of what that would look like, right?)

"Are they _actually_ having a dance off??" Sakura asked, gaping.

"Whoa...Kakashi sensei is soooo cool!" Naruto exclaimed.

They carried on, but neither of them was better than the other at dancing, so they stopped.

"Okay, new plan. Guitar hero battle?"

"Deal."

Ninjas pulled out Nintendo DS's, Kakashi's was black, and Zabuza's was baby blue, with Pokémon stickers on it.

"Laugh and I _will_ kill you." Zabuza told Kakashi, who was trying not to laugh.

The ninjas slotted the guitar hero hand thingies into their DS's, and the awesomeness that was a Guitar hero duel between two ninjas (on the advanced level of the game) commenced!!

Four minutes later, after several star powers, Kakashi throwing screaming fans at Zabuza as he played and fireworks going wrong, they got the results.

"A draw?!" they both yelled.

"Humph, looks like we'll have to do this the old fashioned way, copy-cat."

Kakashi sighed, "And I just got the blood out of my clothes from last time."

This time they actually did fight like real ninjas, with many kicks, and cool jutsu thingy-ma-bobbies. Eventually, Zabuza jumped onto the middle of a lake (that just appeared out of nowhere). He stood there and took up a silly looking stance, that made him look like he was about to do ballet or something. With the awesome power that is Kakashi's Shagrigan, Kakashi knew he was releasing alot of chakra.

"Ninpou...Hidden Mist no jutsu." Zabuza said, telling everyone what he was about to do (is it just me who thinks that doing so is a dumb idea?) then he vanished, rather uncooly, there was no puffs of smoke or flashes of light or anything!! I guess Hidden Mist ninjas have no sense of style.

"Holy hell!! He's gone!!" Naruto yelled.

"He's gonna come after me first, guys. As a member of the hidden mist, he was known as an expert in silent killing (Wave angel: unlike you, Kakashi, who invented an assassination jutsu that warned people). You wouldn't even notice until you were dead."

"Umm...." Sakura almost pointed out the flaw in Kakashi statement, that you couldn't notice things when you were dead, on account of you not being alive any more, but Kakashi continued and she lost her thread.

"And it's not like I can use the Shagrigan perfectly. You guys be careful."

The kids looked around, worriedly in two cases, as the mist around them got thicker.

"Hey! Is it just me or is the mist getting thicker?" Naruto shouted, trying to see things that were actually there, rather than the half-formed shapes the mist made his eyes think they were seeing.

"What?" Sakura asked.

_Hmmmm....eight choices....Liver...Lungs...Clavicle vein _(umm...no, I have no idea where the clavical is, don't ask me! But if you know, tell me. Please?)_, neck vein, Brain, kidneys. Heart.....which do I go after? So many choices..._

Around Kakashi, the mist got even thicker, until he couldn't see his team and the old man any more. Undeterred, he closed his non-Shagrigan eye, and made a seal.

Meanwhile...his team where getting seriously paranoid and stressed, even Sasuke was crapping himself with the intensity of the waiting. Sasuke started to tremble.

(Sasuke: it was from being all tensed up and ready for action!

Wave angel: you were scared stiff! I have the pictures to prove it! *shows him pics*

Sasuke: *confused* that's not me.

Wave angel: *looks at them again* oops! Wrong ones! Never mind!)

"Sasuke." Kakashi said without turning around (ninjas can smell fear), "don't worry; I'll protect you guys if it kills me." (Yeah...he's saying that because they do some stupid stuff that has earned him several hundred pounds from TV shows like you've been framed, etc. When people give you material like that, you can't help but like them and want them to stay alive)

He turned and gave them a grin, although they could just see his shut eyes.

"I don't let my comrades die."

"We'll see about that." Zabuza said, as he reappeared (again, without cool special effects) behind the kids, but in front of old-man Tazuna, "It's over!"

Zabuza made a seal with one hand, but Kakashi had already done that, and rugby-tackled him, knocking his team and Tazuna out of the way, so it was just him and Zabuza again. Unfortunately for Zabuza, Kakashi had also stabbed him. Only, it wasn't Zabuza...

"Sensei!! Behind you!!" Naruto yelled as...yes, this was possibly _was_ Zabuza, attacked him from behind, and the Zabuza Kakashi had stabbed melted back into water. (Am I the only one who would be real annoyed if that happened?) Kakashi looked behind him, as Zabuza swung his huge sword...

And stood there as he was cut in half. But don't worry! He wasn't dead, he'd done the same as Zabuza, and made a water clone, and it was the water clone who'd been chopped. Kakashi had also copied Zabuza in getting behind him without him realising. Zabuza was pretty amazed that Kakashi had been able to copy him in the mist, but then again, Kakashi is a super ninja, so...

"Don't move." Kakashi told him, as he held a kunai to his neck. "It's over!!"

"Wow!!!!!"

"Haha!" (You will get no prizes for guessing who said what. You don't know? The first one was a small loud boy. The second a slightly annoying pink-haired girl. Yes, now you get it...well done you)

"Hehehehehehehehehe!" Zabuza giggled, kinda drunkenly, "It's over? You actually think you've beaten me with your monkey-like imitations? (Wave angel: *hits Zabuza over the head* Kakashi doesn't do monkeys! The third does...wait...*rethinks that sentence* ewww!! Not like that!!) You don't get it. There's no way you can defeat me like that!"

Zabuza laughed again,

"But it _was_ impressive of you. You'd already copied my water clone jutsu when you told them you wouldn't let them die. You had your clone say that to attract my attention while the real you hid in the list and watched. Nice plan...but..."

Zabuza appeared behind Kakashi again. (Ahhhhhh!! Confused!! Which is the real one?)

Kakashi stabbed the one in front of him...it poofed into water, another clo-

"Another clone??!!"

Yes Naruto, I was just about to say that. Kakashi turned, as Zabuza started to swing again...then dropped to the floor, rolling under the blade as it whisked over him, and cut some of his super spiky hair off. Then, just as Kakashi was getting up to kick Zabuza's ass (hey. NO-ONE TOUCHES THE HAIR), Zabuza followed through- (Greystripe: ewww!!! Really?!

Wave angel: *frowns at the grey tabby tom cat* I'm not going to deem that with an answer.

Greystripe: *laughs* you just did!

Wave angel: *pulls out lightsabre*

Greystripe: uh oh)

Yes. Ahem. Zabuza followed through his attack, with a pretty good kick, which sent Kakashi flying...

Zabuza started to charge at the old man, but stopped when he saw there were drawing pins on the floor. He stared at them like they were going to eat him or something (why are some ninjas so scared of relatively harmless everyday things? Like squirrels. Or pins).

"Sensei!!" Naruto, you guessed it, yelled, as Kakashi finally ended up in the water with a splash.

(Greystripe: *holds up card* seven!

Gai: *holds up card* eight! So youthful!

Itachi: *holds up card* why am _I_ here?

Wave angel: well...when a mummy and a daddy love each other _very_ much...)

_Wtf? Sensei got knocked down?_ Thought Sakura.

_So he's strong in taijutsu too..._ thought Sasuke, who was probably plotting ways to kill Zabuza in very unpleasant ways.

Kakashi tried to climb out the water, but failed, because it had suddenly got _alot_ heavier.

"Nyah nah nah nah nah!! Fail!!" Zabuza crowed in a sing-song voice.

"That's real childish you know." Kakashi told him, as he struggled to get out the water still.

"Water prison no jutsu!"

_What? Oh...DAMN!!_ Kakashi thought as he was picked up, and completely surrounded by water.

"Trying to escape the water was a big mistake!! Now I have you in my inescapable water prison!!"

"Oh..." Zabuza added as an afterthought, "and it only makes it harder if you struggle."

(Greystripe: *runs along screaming* THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!! *wave angel is chasing him with her lightsabre*)

"But now...I'll take care of your little friends. Water clone no jutsu!"

_Shit...he's stronger than I expected_, thought Kakashi, worried for his team.

Zabuza's water clone...ummm just thought....how do I tell them apart? Okay...Zabuza 2 stood up and laughed at the kids,

"Hehe, wearing forehead protectors and playing at being real ninjas. But a _real_ ninja is one who's survived numerous brushes with death."

Zabuza 2 made a seal, "basically, once you're good enough to be put on my list... (Sasuke: see!! He has a list too!!!

Wave angel: yeah...think on that, what does it say about _you_?)...then you can start calling yourself a ninja. You guys shouldn't be referred to as ninjas."

"Awww, hell!!! He's gone again!!" Naruto shouted as Zabuza 2 vanished, again, without cool effects.

Then Zabuza 2 hit Naruto with so much force, that the boy flew several feet into the air, and his headband came undone and fell off.

"NARUTO!!" Sakura screamed, not actually doing anything to help him.

"Hah, what a failure. Just a brat." Real Zabuza said.

"Guys!! Take Tazuna and RUN LIKE THE WIND!!! He can't follow while he's trapping me, and the water clone can't go too far from his body either!! RUN!!!!!!!" Kakashi yelled, from underwater. Somehow, they heard _and _understood that, even though it sounded more like:

"Glub!! Blubbblubglub blub!!! Blubbllublbublbhubublubu!!!!!"

Zabuza 2 stood facing Naruto, his sword at the ready.

_This is a Jounin ninja definitely....at this rate....holy hell....I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!_ Naruto turned and scrambled to his feet, but was stopped by a pain in his bandaged hand.

~Flash back~

He remembered what he'd been saying about never needing to be saved, or running away, etc.

He remembered Sasuke teasing him about being a scaredy cat.

He remembered Iruka sensei taking him out for ramen....wait....why was that memory here? Oh right...it was the time he'd asked to borrow iruka's forehead protector, and Iruka had said no, 'cos it was the sign that he'd grown up and graduated...

That time after Iruka had risked his own life to save Naruto when that crazy Chuunin guy tried to kill him....when he'd given Naruto his _own_ headband and congratulated him on graduating....

Kakashi telling them they didn't deserve to be ninjas....

Kakashi telling them they'd be risking their lives on the missions...

Kakashi telling them they all passed....

_I'm not the trouble making brat you still think I am...._

_One day I'll surpass Hokage..._

~End flashback~

Naturally, this had only taken second to pass through Naruto's, normally slow, brain. He stood up, scowling.

_That's right...I became a ninja...I swore I'd never run away again. I _won't_ run!!_

Naruto charged with a battle cry.

"Naruto!!! What are you doing!!!?? You idiot!! Don't!!" Kakashi yelled. Again, somehow, everyone understood this. (Is he actually fully surrounded by water, or is it just the outside?)

Sasuke was looking elsewhere,

"Hey, he-"

"Naruto!!! Don't do it!!! What are you thinking!!!!!?" Sakura interrupted, pulling at her hair.

"He's thinking?" Sasuke asked, but his heart wasn't really in it...he didn't really want Naruto dead.

(Sasuke: then why is he on my list?

Wave angel: look, you _had_ the chance to kill him, you didn't take it. You won't ever take it. You're his friend, so just admit it.

Sasuke: never!!

Wave angel: that's what _you_ think...)

"Bah, idiot." Zabuza 2 said and slashed him with his sword.

Once again, Naruto flew backwards...this time along the ground, and ended up at Sakura and Sasuke's feet.

"What are you doing, jumping in all by yourself??!!" Sakura yelled at him, "we genin are no match for him!!"

Naruto pulled himself back up, and she gave a little gasp off surprise.

Held tight in his bandaged hand was...

_The forehead protector, _Sakura thought in amazement, _he did that...for a _forehead protector_????_

Zabuza and Zabuza 2 watched as Naruto stood up again.

"Hey, you eyebrow-less freak..." Naruto said through bloodied lips (omg!! Where did Zabuza's eyebrows go??) "Stick this in your book. (Umm, Naruto? I believe the insult is 'stick it up your- ) the man who will be Hokage (oh, never mind),"

Naruto tied his headband back on, and finished his sentence,

"Leaf village ninja...Uzumaki Naruto!!"

Kakashi looked surprised, nothing compared to Zabuza 2 and Tazuna...who was thinking that maybe Naruto wasn't such an idiot after all...(hmmmm....never make judgments early, it saves time cos you don't have to keep changing them)

"Sasuke, lend me your ear!"

"What? No! It's _my_ ear! I'm very attached to it!"

"I meant listen to me!"

"Why?"

"I have a plan!"

_A plan? In this situation?_ "Phhft...Teamwork? From you?"

Sakura just stared at them, confused at how Naruto had suddenly become the leader.

(Naruto: I had? *looks back* hey your right! *dances* oh yeah...soooo on the way to Hokage right now!)

"Now...let's get _wild_!"

* * *

_Wave angel: woo...finished...for now. Please R&R to tell me what you thought about it. PLEASE? _


	8. The wave Country: Naruto's plan

Wave angel: yeah...soo...how long has this taken? I have no idea, but I apologise for it being so very long, again.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or Monster, or 'the claw', Jedi, captain obvious, James Bond, Pokémon, Eragon or Death.**

* * *

**The wave country**

**Naruto's amazing plan!**

"Now...let's get _wild_!" Naruto said to the rest of his team, wiping blood from his mouth.

"Alot of arrogance..." Zabuza 2 observed, "But do you _actually _stand a chance against me?"

_Oh shit, this is bad...this is very, VERY bad!!!_

"What are you doing!!??" Kakashi yelled at them frantically, "RUN! AWAY!! This fight was over the minute I got caught!! Our duty is to protect Tazuna-san!! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT???!!"

O-kay. Kakashi was getting a little bit hysterical. But then again, he didn't know what Naruto's amazing plan was.

"Old man?" Naruto turned to the bridge-builder.

"Heh, go for it. I don't want to live so much that I'll stop you. Go fight as much as you want. Give him an ass kicking from me."

"WHAT???!!!??!!??!!??!!" Kakashi burst out. Yep, definitely getting hysterical.

Sasuke and Naruto grinned in anticipation.

"You hear that, dobe?"

"You ready, teme?"

"Hah. Hahaha hahaha! You guys will never grow up. You're going to keep playing ninja are you? When I was your age..." Zabuza two made 'the claw' with his hands, "these hands were already stained with blood."

(Wave angel: doesn't he know how to wash his hands?)

The kids of team 7 gulped.

"Devil Zabuza." Kakashi muttered.

"Oh? So you've heard about it?" Zabuza 2 looked positively delighted by this fact.

The kids gave Kakashi confused looks so he explained.

"A long time ago, the Hidden Mist village, aka. The blood mist village, there was a final obstacle in becoming a ninja."

"Wow, you even know about the graduation exam!!"

"So? What about it?" Naruto asked.

Zabuza laughed,

"At the hidden mist, the exam consists of fights to the death between candidates! Friends who trained and ate together fight to the death! It's beautiful to see."

"It sounds terrible." Sakura murmured.

"10 years ago, the exam was forced to change, after a devil appeared." Kakashi continued.

"Change? What change? What did the devil do?" Sakura insisted.

_Guess I was right, she is the one who asks the most questions, _Kakashi thought.

"Without pausing or hesitating, a boy who wasn't even a ninja killed over a hundred students." Kakashi told them.

"Ahh yes. That _was_ fun. Those were the days." Zabuza smiled happily, lost in memories of killing. Then, without warning, he charged at the kids and knocked Sasuke to the floor.

"Sasuke-kun!!" Sakura screamed, again, not moving to help.

_Dammit!_ _Kage bunshin no jutsu!!!_

Naruto made alot of clones.

"Sakura!!" original Naruto yelled, "I need that can of Monster!!"

"Bu-but, you aren't allowed Monster!"

"You want Sasuke to die?"

"No-"

"Well then! Monster! Now!!"

"Whoa!! Hold up!! You guys bought monster EVEN THOUGH I SAID YOU COULDN'T??!!!" Kakashi shouted, seriously annoyed.

"A drink? That's it? You're going to drink a canned carbonated drink?"

Sakura threw the can to a Naruto, who caught it deftly, then pulled the ring and opened the can with a fizz. He smirked, and then drank. A clone snatched it off him and drank too. This was repeated until the can was empty. Meanwhile something very odd was happening to Naruto.

He'd started to vibrate with barely contained energy. Then, he blurred.

"Hhhhhheeerrrreee Iiii coooommmmmeee!!!!!!!""" he yelled as he and his clones leapt at the water clone Zabuza, in a mixture of high speed blurs and normal speed blurs.

Zabuza 2 raised his sword and stepped off Sasuke so he had even footing. The non-caffeinated Narutos jumped on him. He simply spun around with his sword and swept them away. The blurred Narutos were smarter, or maybe their brains were just working quicker. Real Naruto blurred and dove into Sasuke's bag, _gotta be here somewhere...I'm sure he packed it...nope, not that...not that...I don't even know what _that _is...aha!!_

"Sasuke!! Go along!!" Naruto threw a blade at Sasuke, who caught it with his ninja skillz and rolled, finally understanding naruto's plan.

Sasuke stood and held a now huge, fully formed four bladed shuriken.

"Evil wind shuriken. Shadow windmill." Sasuke stated, and then leapt into the air with a Jedi worthy jump.

"A shuriken won't work against me, fool!" Zabuza 2 gloated.

Sasuke threw the super-sized shuriken at him as he, somehow, defied gravity and hung, unsupported, in midair. It missed Zabuza 2, flying past him to skim across the ground, heading for real Zabuza.

"I see...aiming for the real me. But still not good enough." Both Zabuzas said in unison. The real Zabuza caught the big shuriken, then noticed another one, aiming for his legs, hidden in-

"Another one hidden in the other's shadow?"

_That's shadow shuriken no jutsu_, Kakashi thought.

"But..." Zabuza jumped over it, still not releasing the water prison around Kakashi, "still not enough."

"He dodged it!!" Sakura yelled.

"Well, thank you captain obvious." Naruto told her. She shot him a glare. Sasuke just gave a self-satisfied, "Heh."

About 10 metres behind Zabuza, the shuriken turned into a small blond boy. Confusing Sakura and Tazuna, but not Sasuke, since, using his awesome ninja powers (wave angel: *bursts into laughter*), he knew naruto's plan. Naturally.

_Now!!_ Naruto thought as he drew back a kunai ready to throw it at real Zabuza. (Hey!! He even shouts in his head!!) Zabuza noticed this as he hovered in the air, where he'd jumped to avoid the Naruto-shuriken.

Naruto threw the kunai with a "Raa!!!" Zabuza saw that it was aiming for his arm (the one holding Kakashi in the water bubble), and was like _Oh noes!!_ But then he did the sensible thing and pulled his arm away from the water bubble, releasing Kakashi.

And now we all understand naruto's epic plan to free Kakashi so the Jounin could kick the missing-nin's ass.

The kunai missed Zabuza's arm...but unfortunately it slashed his cheek, just under the eye, and really annoyed him. Hey Zabuza, it could have been worse, you could have lost your eye, and Kakashi can tell you how difficult it is to just use one eye and be a ninja.

Zabuza deathglared at Naruto, but such things don't work on the boy (Sasuke: yeah, _tell_ me about it.*shoots Naruto a deathglare*

Naruto: *oblivious* hey Sasuke!! Wanna go annoy someone?

Sasuke: *sighs* see?) And he ignored it as he succumbed to gravity (finally!! Someone who doesn't defy gravity!!) And started to fall to the floor in slow-motion. As I said before, Zabuza was majorly annoyed that Naruto had cut him...hell, he was a little bit _more _than annoyed to be honest...and so he began to spin the huge shuriken he still had in his hand, fully intending to chop Naruto into fish-bait.

_Damn brat!!!_ He screeched mentally, and threw the shuriken at Naruto, chopping him into pieces...

and if that had really happened, then there would be no story, as the main character would be dead, and it is _really _not good practice to kill off your main character in the beginning of the story...you should wait until the end if you're going to do that.

Luckily, the magical powers of the imagination (and of course the unwritten rules of writing) saved Naruto from death.

Zabuza threw the shuriken and a spurt of blood covered him. But it wasn't naruto's blood. It was Kakashi's, who'd stopped the huge shuriken using his hand and the metally bit on his ninja glove.

Kakashi gave Zabuza a glare from under his hair and the shadow of his bent head, so only his eyes could really be seen. It was a rather scary glare; and Zabuza started to sweat in panic. Very few people are immune to a Shagrigan infused glare. Naruto is one of them. (Speaking of which...where had our little annoying friend got to?)

"Kakashi sensei!!" Sakura yelled joyfully, even though she'd done nothing to help rescue him.

"Baa!!" Naruto gasped for air as he finally surfaced. (Oh, so that's where he was...he'd fallen into the water...why does he make a sheep noise as he surfaces?)

"Hey Naruto?" Kakashi asked as he looked over to where the boy's head was just above the water, "great 'plan'. You guys sure have grown up a bit."

Naruto then felt the need to explain his master plan, just like the baddies in James bond films. But you guys understand that right? So I don't need to put it?

I'll simplify it: Naruto made clones to hide the fact he'd changed into a shuriken, so he could make Zabuza release Kakashi. Got it?

"Huh. I just got distracted and released to jutsu..." Zabuza muttered rebelliously. (Hang on...where has Zabuza 2 gone? Or is he just standing around?? If he is then... _why the hell is he just stood there??!!_ If I were him I'd take the others prisoner, and make Kakashi release real me...or just stab Kakashi in the back...but I guess that's not very ninja-like huh?)

"Wrong!! Don't lie! You were _forced _to release the jutsu." Kakashi told him as Zabuza sulked. "And I'll warn you that I don't fall for the same jutsu twice." Kakashi continued, "So what will you do now?"

Zabuza looked around nonchalantly, and then leapt away. At exactly the same time, Kakashi did the same, only in the opposite direction. How you ask? Using his awesome ninja powers! Tch, obviously.

Zabuza started to make many, many seals, all of which Kakashi copied at the exact same moment he made them, simply by using his Shagrigan (so he can't use it perfectly...but when you're that good at something, who needs perfection?).

_Water dragon blast no jutsu!!_

"Go!! Milotec!! (No idea if that is how it's spelt)" Zabuza yelled as Kakashi yelled,

"Go!!! Saphira!!!!!"

The Pokémon and the ever amazing blue dragoness started to fight. Naturally, Saphira won, since she is magical, and flame turns water to gas, but it was pretty close...

Who am I kidding? It was no contest. Saphira was armed with claws and wings and flame and Eragon (who was on her back, since they'd just been in a battle anyway) who has many awesome magics such as his sword which burns rather epically every time he says 'fire'. Whereas Milotec has...not alot to be honest; not compared to Saphira, anyway.

The huge waves from the epic dragon battle splashed the kids and the old man...well except for Naruto who was...still...in...The...water...

Ah....

I'm sure he'll be fine.

The battle ended with Milotec using 'waterfall' -while Sasuke stared in amazement at how fast the seals had been made, Sakura and Tazuna simply staring in plain amazement, and Naruto staring in amazement and worry...after all, what goes up must come down...and Naruto was still in the water- which was blown to pieces when Saphira let loose her immensely hot flame. Milotec keeled over and fainted, returning to its pokeball. Saphira snorted, before turning in midair and going back to the battle in Algaesia.

The water fell down as shparkly drops, making several pretty rainbows surround where Zabuza and Kakashi were stood, Zabuza's huge sword (hehe) blocked by Kakashi's metally bits on his ninja gloves (yet more proof of the awesomeness of Kakashi. Zabuza needs a sword to kick ass. Kakashi only needs _gloves_.).

This confused Zabuza. _Wth is going on?_

They pushed each other away instantaneously.

_He's..._the two ninjas circled in using exactly the same movements. They stopped and made the same seal.

Zabuza tried something else. They made another seal._ My movements...he's completely-_

"Reading them." Kakashi finished Zabuza's thought track.

_What?! Did he read my mind? Damn, that-_

"Freaky mind thing is pissing me off, right?" Kakashi asked innocently, secretly enjoying how annoyed his party trick was making his opponent.

"Hah! All you're doing is copying me!!" Zabuza yelled, in a slightly panicky voice,

"You can't beat me you monkey bastard!!" Kakashi yelled in unison with Zabuza.

Zabuza almost fell over, but recovered quickly.

"Damn you!!!! I'll make it so that you can never open that mouth again!!!" Zabuza made a hundred seals in three seconds, and then winced at the hand cramp, before noticing the Kakashi had done the same as him- minus the hand cramp.

_Holy crap!! That...that's..._ Zabuza was kinda hallucinating, and thought Kakashi was him, for a second..._me? That's not- _"possible." _Is this one of his- _"genjutsu?" Kakashi said out loud, trying to hide his grin, before realising that, since he was wearing his mask, no-one would know anyway.

_Water explosion no jutsu!_

"Whaaat??!!!" Zabuza yelled (well, it was more a screech, really), "That's impossible!!!"

Zabuza got thrown towards a tree by the huge ball of water. In a nearby one Haku buried his/her head in his/her hands,

"God this is embarrassing."

"WTF!!!! I'm the one doing the jutsu and I can't keep up!!" Zabuza screeched angrily as he flew through the air.

The kids and Tazuna let out ouches as the water whipped them.

"Hey, Kakashi sensei!!" Naruto yelled as he tried not to drown, "Try remembering I'm still in the water please!!!!"

Zabuza hit the tree with an 'oof' as all the air was forced out his lungs.

Kakashi was sat in the tree.

"It's over." He told Zabuza, who looked up,

"How the_ hell_ did you get up there!!? You were over there and now you're there??!! Wait..." he thought a little bit...he thought some more... (Thoughts take a long time)...

"How did you...can you see the future?"

"Yeah...you're gonna meet someone tall and dark." Kakashi said, pulling out a kunai.

"Isn't it usually someone 'tall, dark, _and_ handsome?" Zabuza asked confused, "what about handsome?"

"Well, sure, if skeletons are your thing. I've seen the future, and yours holds only Death."

Have you got any popcorn? Someone dressed in black robes asked Sakura.

"Nope, sorry, why?" she asked, not looking, or wondering why the words had bypassed her ears and gone straight into her mind.

Sasuke had frozen and turned around, slowly.

I do like some of these deaths.

"OHMYGOD!! IT'S YOU!!" Sasuke shouted, startling the robed figure and Sakura, "YOU'RE DEATH!! _THE_ DEATH!!"

He rushed forward, "I'm so pleased to see you Mr Death, I'm a big fan." He shook the eight-foot-tall skeleton by the hand enthusiastically, "I have sooo many questions!!"

I only really have time for one; I'm very busy you know.

"Okay, okay, one question...when does my broth-_ That man_ die?"

Who is 'that man'? I only do real names I'm afraid. Death looked as worried, he never usually got greeted like this.

"OHMYGOD!! This guys death?" Sakura screamed, "Ohno!! We're all gonna die!!"

It's _Death_. Capital D. That's very important. And actually I'm the anthropomorphic representation of death.

"Huh?" Naruto asked from where he was treading water, glad that Kakashi had taken the fight from the lake. "Anthropo-what?"

Anyway, as Kakashi started to stab Zabuza, something odd happened. Two knitting needles were thrown through his neck (Zabuza's, not Kakashi's). And he fell to the floor.

Team 7 and their old man stared in shock. Unnoticed, Death pulled out a glowing lifetimer that looked alot like an hourglass and flicked it with his bony finger,

Funny...there's still sand in the top...guess I'm a little early. My bad. Death disappeared. He needed no special effects because he was Death, and therefore was awesome and scary enough to go without, especially as he was immortal. Immortal people don't need special effects to be dramatic, they just _are_.

"Heehee, you're right, he's dead." Haku said behind his/her mask. Kakashi looked up, sure that there had been no-one else nearby.

Everyone stared at the oddly dressed newcomer, even Sasuke (but he was pretending not to). Even Naruto wouldn't have dared leave the house in Haku's outfit. He/she was wearing a turtle-neck jumper, super-wide trousers that looked skirt-like, and over it all...what looked like a dressing-gown with a scarf tied around the middle.

Kakashi leapt down, to land on the floor with super-cool mist effects, not satisfied with the newcomer's sight-only diagnosis of death. The only death you can be really sure of by sight is Death, after all. Kakashi got all professional-like and checked for a pulse in Zabuza's neck.

_Hmm...He really is dead._ Kakashi thought, sneaking a sideways look at the newcomer and Zabuza's killer. Haku bowed slightly.

"Thank you. I have been waiting for an opportunity to kill Zabuza for a long time." (Umm...yeah...there's such a thing as poison.)

Kakashi gave them a calculating look.

"By the mask I'll guess you're a Hidden mist hunter-nin?"

"You are correct." Haku said, bowing again.

"Hunter-nin?" Sakura asked, as Naruto finally climbed out of the lake gasping.

"Yes? My duty is to hunt down missing-nins. I'm a member of the Hidden Mist's hunter-nin team."

_Something doesn't smell right here, _(Naruto: *resists urge to waft hand behind him self-consciously and looks around innocently*), Kakashi thought, _judging from his/her size they aren't much older than Naruto...yet he/she's a hunter-nin? He/she's not a normal kid._

Naruto was looking from Zabuza's body, to Haku, back to the body, etc, as he figured out the same thing Kakashi had...that Haku was around his age. He stared at Haku.

"What?"

"You!! Who the...what the...who the hell are you!?"

"Don't worry Naruto, they're not an enemy." Kakashi went to stand by everyone else, "and stop pointing. Honestly, it's rude."

"I'm not asking that!!" Naruto yelled angrily, "that Zabuza guy was like...like...and he was killed?? A guy that strong...was killed by a kid!!! A kid like me!!! We look stupid!!! I don't understand!!!!"

Suddenly Naruto collapsed and started snoring.

"Wth?!" Tazuna exclaimed, as he and Haku stared at him.

"What goes up-" Sakura began.

"Must come down." Kakashi continued, "and, believe me, after that caffeine rush from the Monster, he really needs down time." He turned to the rest of his team, "and this is why you will never, _ever_, let him drink energy drinks again, got it?"

The kids didn't meet his eye and made non-committal murmurs.

_Oh-kay...time to go now, _Haku thought. She/he blurred and appeared on the floor beside Zabuza's dead body, complete with cool mist effects.

"Your battle is over." He/she told Kakashi, "and I must dispose of the body before it starts to smell worse than it already does. Farewell." She/he, grabbed Zabuza's body and poofed away.

"Hunh??" Naruto sat up blinking sleepily, "what I miss??"

The team and Tazuna sighed.

"Let's just get Tazuna-san back to his home. _Without_ any more drama if possible." Kakashi sighed, wishing he'd remembered to pack some whiskey from the ship when they'd left.

"Haha!! That would be super!! Y'all come to my house and relax a while!!"

Kakashi fell over.

Everyone stared.

"Is he on a downer too?" Naruto asked, "you know caffeine isn't good for you, sensei."

Kakashi sighed, _oh great, I used Shagrigan too much and now I can't move. This trip just gets better and better._

* * *

Wave angel: ta-da!! Please people, R&R, it makes me so happy!!


	9. The Wave Country: Kakashi's cock up

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, Avatar, Haribo, Disney and anything else that infringes copywrite stuffs. I own nothing, okay?**

**WARNING: ZABUxHAKU love ^^**

* * *

**The wave country: Kakashi's cock-up (yes people, it never ends)**

"Are you alright sensei?" Tazuna's thin, dark-haired daughter asked, not really looking like she cared that much.

_Dang, she's _hot_!_ Kakashi thought in the relative safety of his head, still kinda out of it from the whole 'using Shagrigan too much' thing.

"Eh-hem? Hello? Sensei? Are you alright?"

Kakashi mentally shook himself and tried to focus.

"Yeah, just need to rest for a week or so." He said, trying not to sound as crappy as he felt. (Hey, using Shagrigan really takes it out of you.)

"Wow..." Sakura sat next to Kakashi's bed (a mattress on the floor covered with a blanket that smelt slightly dog-like), "sensei, the Shagrigan is awesome, but...since it puts that much stress on your body, maybe you should think before you use it."

_Damn, I am really not in a state capable of dealing with this right now, _Kakashi thought.

Tazuna wandered in and grinned, randomly saying,

"Well, we defeated that strong ninja this time; we should be safe for a while!!"

Team 7 stared at him, except Kakashi who was too out of it to do much and had, in fact, fallen asleep.

"Okay, WTF?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, that was completely off topic." Sakura added.

Sasuke realised something.

"I'm sorry? _We _defeated that strong ninja?" he death-glared at the old man, who backed away.

"Err...You...I-I meant you."

"Hn."

"Anyways...back to the topic." Sakura sighed and turned back to Kakashi, "who was that masked kid?"

Kakashi didn't answer.

"Err...sensei? Hello?"

No answer.

"OMFG he's dead!!!" Sakura screamed.

"Huh? What? I wasn't asleep I swear!!" Kakashi woke up suddenly, "jeesh Sakura, why are you so loud today?"

"I'm not being loud!" she protested, loudly, making Kakashi wince at the pain in his head from her squeaky voice.

"You're being louder than I am today." Naruto pointed out in a normal voice (normal as in the volume of a normal persons voice, not his normal voice-which is a yell), "I'm practically silent."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, _god, why me?_

"What did you want to know again Sakura?" Kakashi interrupted before his team started to fight.

"Who was that masked kid?"

"I'm pretty sure they told you who they were." Kakashi replied, annoyed, "they were a hunter-nin. The mask is worn by only the Hidden Mist's hunter-nins."

"But it's just a mask." Naruto said, confused, "so anyone could wear one."

"Well...yeah..." Kakashi answered, surprised that the normally dense Naruto had picked up on something like that, "but if a Hidden Mist ninja found out that you were impersonating one of their Hunter-nins...it would not be pretty."

"Oh, okay. Kakashi sensei can I have Haribo?"

"Umm....sure, why not." Kakashi stared worriedly after Naruto before continuing to answer Sakura's- rather dumb- question, "Hidden mist Hunter-nins are also known as Body-erasers. Their duty is to completely dispose of a body without a trace."

Kakashi went on about how ninja bodies held the secrets of their villages, and how other people could steal them from the bodies (yes, I know, it's gross, robbing dead people is just _wrong_). He went on to explain how if anyone got hold of his body when he died they'd be able to learn the secrets of the Shagrigan. Needless to say, most of this went over Sakura's head, but Sasuke understood most of it.

"So, by killing and disposing of missing-nins properly, hunter-nins protect their village's secrets. No sound, no smell...that's a ninja's end." Kakashi finished (on a high note).

"So that Zabuza has been chopped up and disposed of? Scary!" Sakura said, looking worried. Naruto reappeared, stuffing his face with Haribo.

"Why don't you kids go do something?" Tazuna's daughter asked haughtily, "your sensei needs his rest, something he won't get if you guys are pestering him."

"What shall we do?" Sakura asked.

"Oo!! Oo! I know! Me! Pick me!!" Naruto said, jumping about.

"Who said he could have sugar?" Kakashi asked, frowning.

"You did." Sasuke and Sakura said in synchronisation.

"Oh...right...yeah...I remember now."

"What is it Naruto?" Tazuna's daughter asked him, just wanting him to stop being all bouncy.

"We could go to the cinema and watch 'Avatar'!!!" he said excitedly, "it's in 3-D and it's supposed to be amazing!!"

Kakashi and Tazuna's daughter shared a 'look' that said, _If we let him go to the cinema he'll be out the way, and we can both do what we need to do_. Which for Kakashi was sleep; and Tazuna's daughter had lots of ironing to do.

"Hey! Sounds like just the thing! I'll pay for you guys, come on!!" Tazuna boomed happily. Naruto gave a little wiggle of joy, and then raced out.

"YAY!! CINEMA!!!"

Sakura and Sasuke sighed, and then followed the blond boy and the old man to the nearest cinema.

Once there they bought their tickets and sat down. The film began...

~oOo~

Meanwhile...deep, in the deep dark jungle, in the deep dark shadows...

Haku leant over Zabuza's dead body, looking like she/he was about to give the dead ninja the kiss of life (you know, like in Disney movies where the princess is dead, then the prince kisses her and 'poof'! she lives again). Carefully, Haku unrolled her/his tool bag and selected some funny looking short scissors.

"Okay, so first I cut the mouth cloth, then I drain some blood, and..." he/she muttered to her/himself, moving the odd scissors towards Zabuza's mouth bandage.

"That's alright; I'll do it myself..." Zabuza said his eyes freakishly wide open and looking quite scary. Haku let out an 'eep!' and leapt backwards.

"Zabuza-sensei!! What have I said about doing that to me!! I almost had a heart attack!!" he/she said remonstratively, in a rather girly voice.

Zabuza sat up, ignoring him/her.

"So, you've already come back to life." Haku continued in a more normal voice.

"Damn, Haku, you sure are rough." (Omg, he did _not_ just say that...LOL!!!!) Zabuza said, before he ripped the knitting needles out his neck.

"You shouldn't be so rough yourself sensei!! (Heehee)" Haku scolded him, "you'll really die if you pull them out like that."

"How long are you gonna wear that damn stupid mask?" Zabuza asked, rubbing his neck (and skilfully changing the subject from how rough they both are, heehee).

"It reminds me of the old days, Zabuza-sensei," Haku told him, as he/she took the mask off, "besides, it was necessary for this act."

Haku revealed his/her face.

It definitely _looked _very feminine, more feminine than Sakura's...but I'm still not convinced Haku is a she.

"If I hadn't saved you, you definitely would have been killed." She/he told the older ninja.

"Yeah, well, if you were going to put me into a momentary death, you didn't have to use my neck. You could have used a safer acupuncture point." Zabuza grumbled as he pulled at the bandage around his neck, "you sure are annoying, as always."

"You're right," Haku grinned at him.

"Huh?"

"I _could_ have used a different acupuncture point but..." he/she gave the older ninja a coy look, "I just didn't want to scar your beautiful body." Haku continued as Zabuza stood up, still slightly wobbly, "plus the neck doesn't have much muscle, so it's easier to hit the points."

Zabuza fell on his ass as his legs gave up on him. He shot Haku a look.

"Remind me again why I let you tag along with me?"

"Oh, you shouldn't be able to move much for about a week. But you'll be able to move pretty soon." Haku said, ignoring that comment.

"Oh yeah, it's cos your all pure and clever. Though it's mainly the clever." Zabuza continued.

"Heehee," Haku gave a girly-ish giggle, "I'm only pure 'cos I'm a kid, silly!"

Zabuza sighed, sometime he really _did _wonder why he didn't just disappear and leave Haku behind somewhere...but he stayed, no matter how tempted; partly because he was a curious as you are to know what Haku's actually gender was...and partly because the kid was so damn _cute_ and vulnerable when asleep, it was impossible to leave.

"Look! The mist has cleared!" Haku said, standing.

"Oh goody." Zabuza muttered sarcastically.

~oOo~

Kakashi woke up with a start.

"Holy hell!!!" Naruto and Sakura fell over and sat down, trying to look nonchalant. Sasuke rolled his eyes and went back to thinking about how awesome avatar had been, and if he would be able to use some of the torture techniques he'd thought of while watching the movie.

"You idiot! We were so close to looking under his mask!" Sakura hissed at Naruto.

"I'm not the one who woke him up!" Naruto hissed back as he fended off Sakura's (still fairly weak) hits.

_Ugh...why do I feel like I've forgotten something? Zabuza's dead, I checked, there wasn't a pulse...so why do I feel like I'm missing something important...wait...have I got pants on? Okay, pants are on, so it isn't that. _Kakashi thought as he sat up, _Ugh, I feel like I've been hit by a bus, or maybe this is more like that time I got real stoned and woke up tied to a lamp-post in Vegas...or maybe like that time I went out drinking and when I woke up it was five days later and I had a traffic cone in my bed...or maybe that time when..._

"Oh, Kakashi sensei, you're awake." Tazuna's daughter said as she entered the room, interrupting his thoughts.

"I am now." He replied, shooting his team a glare.

"So, how was the film?" he asked when he thought they'd squirmed under his glare for long enough.

"OMFG!! IT WAS AMAZING!!!" Naruto burst out, his eyes all shparkly.

"It was pretty cool." Sasuke shrugged.

"So it was very good then?"

"Yeah!" Sakura burst out, "the Avatar people were soo cool!"

"And it was all in three D sensei!!! I wish _life_ was in 3-D." Naruto ended dreamily.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?"

"Naruto..." Sakura began slowly, not sure how to break it to him.

"Life _is_ in 3-D, dobe." Sasuke finished with an exasperated look at the blond boy; _I swear he gets dumber every day._

"It is?"

"YES!!"

"Not for me it isn't." Kakashi muttered sadly.

The silver-haired ninja-of-epic-proportions rubbed his head, _no, something is definitely not right..._

"What's wrong sensei?" Naruto asked, for once showing intuition, or maybe just observation skills.

"Huh? Well..." Kakashi spoke slowly, thinking it though as he said each part, "missing-nins and body-erasing teams usually dispose of the corpse of the person they killed right then and there simply cos it's easier."

"So what?" Sakura asked, confused.

"Don't you see?" Kakashi asked, mentally beating himself up as he realised what he'd known sub-consciously all along, "how did that kid dispose of Zabuza's body?"

"Huh?" Sakura asked, "How could _we_ know," she held up her hands and put on her teachery voice as she explained, "the masked...person took the body."

"Yeah, and if they just wanted proof of the death they would have just taken the head." Kakashi told her, wondering if any of them would get it, "and the weapons they used...simple knitting needles..."

"Oh my _Gawd!" _Sasuke burst out, "NO effing way!!!"

_He got it,_ "yes effing way, Sasuke, exactly." Kakashi told the emo-child, "and mind your language."

"Effing is not a swear word sensei." Sasuke said, rolling his emo-eyes.

"It stands for a swear word Sasuke, so I will count it as one." Kakashi frowned at the boy.

"What are you guys talking about??" Tazuna asked, thoroughly confused.

"It is most likely that Zabuza is alive." Kakashi told them all, looking at them seriously.

"Ahahahaha!!" Naruto burst out, "that's a good one Kakashi sensei!!"

Kakashi frowned at the blond jinchuuriki. He shut up.

"You weren't joking, were you?"

"No."

"Ahh hell!!"

"Exactly." Kakashi rubbed his temples again, _ahh hell._

"But, Kakashi sensei! You checked and said he was dead!!" Sakura burst out.

Kakashi winced at her loud voice, his head still hurting.

"Yeah, I did...but it was probably just a momentary death." He explained, "Those knitting needles that were used have a low likelihood of killing someone unless you hit a vital organ. It's more often used by doctors in acupuncture therapy. Hunter-nins have an incredible knowledge of human anatomy, putting someone in a temporarily dead state is probably really easy for them. So, to recap, first: they carried away the much heavier body of Zabuza. Second: they used a weapon that had a low chance of killing Zabuza. These points suggest that their motive was not to kill Zabuza, but to save him."

Everyone stared in shock, except Sasuke, who'd pretty much guessed most of it (using his "ninja skillz")

"Aren't you thinking too much?" Tazuna asked, not as bothered as everyone else, even though he'd be the one Zabuza came after, "hunter-nins are supposed to kill missing-nins."

"Yes, they are, but as Naruto said, anyone can wear a mask. And with all the suspicion it's be better to prepare for the worst before it is too late. That's a shinobi rule. Plus," Kakashi rubbed his head again, wishing he'd remembered to bring some of the painkillers with him, but that was just typical, he usually forgot _something_, "even _if_ Zabuza _is_ dead, there's no reason why Gatou hasn't hired an even stronger shinobi."

_Yes!! This time I'll kick ass!!_ Naruto thought, giving an anticipating grin.

_Wow, he's actually _happy _Zabuza may be alive,_ Kakashi thought semi-confusedly.

"Sensei, what do you mean, preparing before it's too late," Sakura asked, annoyingly, "You can barely move as it is!"

"Hehe, _you_ guys will receive training."

"_Training? _What's a little training going to do?" Sakura yelled, angrily, "Zabuza's an enemy so strong _you _struggled against even though you have the Shagrigan!" _What are you trying to do, get us killed?_ Inner Sakura added, screeching.

Kakashi rolled his eyes,

"Sakura, who saved me when I was struggling?"

"Oh! Me!! Me!! I know!! Pick me!!" Naruto said, raising his hand and bouncing.

"Naruto, it was a rhetorical question, you don't _actually_ have to answer it." Kakashi told him.

"But I know the answer! How often does that happen?"

Kakashi blinked at him, "touché. Go for it."

"We did!" Naruto grinned happily.

"That's right; _you_ guys came up with a plan and saved me. You're growing quickly, especially Naruto."

Naruto paused in his happy-time-dancing to look up at Kakashi in surprise, "I am?"

"You're still short, though." Sasuke said a small smile on his face that he hid quickly. He didn't want them to think he was being nice. Or that he was the boy's friend.

Sakura looked sideways at Naruto, thinking, _sure, he's alot better than he _was_ but-_

"But obviously, this is just training until I'm better, since you won't be able to beat him without me." Kakashi told them, interrupting Sakura's thoughts.

"But sensei, if Zabuza isn't dead then he could attack at any time, so should we be training?" Sakura asked, forgetting her earlier scepticism.

"Nah, it takes a while for someone to recover from a momentary death situation. So we can train until then."

"Alright, sounds like fun!" Naruto said, pumped up and ready to go.

"No it doesn't." A hat said. Oh wait, no, the small boy _under_ the hat said it.

"Who the hell are you?" Naruto asked the hat...I mean, the boy under the hat.

"OH!! Inari!" Tazuna yelled, making Kakashi wince again, spreading his arms wide in the give-me-a-hug way, "where were you?"

"Hi, grandpa." The small boy said, as he clamboured up to everyone else, losing his shoes as he did so.

"Inari, say hello to these people," the boy's mother told him as Tazuna scruffed his hair (hat), "they're the ninjas who protected grandpa."

Team 7 gave him blank looks, looking perplexed. He was sooo small! They couldn't image ever being that small. (Sasuke: *snickers* Naruto still is.

Naruto: hey!! At least I don't spend longer in the bathroom fixing my hair than Sakura *sticks his tongue out*

Orochimaru: *appears randomly and sticks his tongue out* mines longer.

Sasuke & Naruto: *hold up sign saying help*)

The small boy glowered at them from under the brim of his hat. He turned to Tazuna's daughter and pointed at them.

"Mommy, they're gonna die."

Naruto leapt forward, annoyed to hell, "WTF?? What did you say, you little brat!!"

Inari just glowered again, "there's no way you can beat Gatou."

Tazuna and Kakashi gave him confused looks, as Sakura tried to hold Naruto back.

"YOU BRAT I'LL-"

"NARUTO, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING PISSED AT A CHILD?? YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!!"

Eventually, Naruto calmed down, slightly, and escaped Sakura's clutches. He pointed at the small boy.

"Hey, Inari, listen!" he yelled, "I'm not just a ninja! (He's a super-cool, uber-powerful ninja with enough strength to kick the world's ass. He isn't any ninja; he's an M&S Ninja [coming soon to an M&S near you!]) I'm a super-hero who will one day become an incredible ninja called Hokage. I don't know who this Gatou guy is, but I could kick his ass with ease! He's got nothing against me!!"

"NARUTO!" Sakura hit the boy around the head, "WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU!? YOU CAN'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF A KID!"

"Pfft." Hat-boy said, sounding alot like Sasuke (Sasuke: what? I'm going to get a mini-me? Omg, really?

Wave angel: no, he's gonna be a Naruto mini-me *sticks her tongue out at him*

Sasuke: *pouts and sulks* how come Naruto gets all the mini-mes!?

Wave angel: cos he's more awesomer than you.)

"What are you, stupid?" hat-boy asked.

"Do you really want him to answer that?" Sasuke said, but under his breath so no-one else heard.

"There's no such thing as a hero!" Inari finished.

"WHAT??!!" Naruto exploded, covering everyone in blood and guts. No, not really, he just shouted very loudly, which would have made Kakashi wince, but the silver-haired Jounin had found a stash of painkillers, and had taken several, and so was sat in bed, spacing out.

"STOP IT!!" Sakura yelled as she grabbed Naruto as he lunged for the small ha- _boy_ again.

"If you don't want to die, then you should leave." Inari said, before turning around and heading off.

Sasuke looked after the boy, thinking he was seeing a mini-me of himself, and wondering if he should offer the kid ideas on growing up emo.

"Where are you going, Inari?" Tazuna asked, quite sad about how everything was going.

"I'm going to look at the ocean from my room. Maybe I'll see a seagull explode." Inari answered before leaving.

"No feeding them mustard OR Bi-carb!! Do you hear me?! You will be in so much trouble if you do!!" Inari's mum shouted after the boy. The door slammed shut.

"I'm really sorry." Tazuna sighed.

Kakashi had focused briefly on the conversation, but said nothing, since he wasn't actually a hundred percent sure what had happened. Had the little bunnies really been there doing the tango? Or was that just in his head?

Thinking it was now safe, Sakura let Naruto go. Naruto immediately headed upstairs after Inari, yelling,

"DAMN IT! WHERE IS THAT LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT? HE NEEDS TO LEARN A LESSON..."

Behind him, Sakura yelled, "NARUTO!!! STOP. FUCKING. SWEARING!!!"

Kakashi said nothing. Sasuke picked up on this.

"Hey! How come she doesn't get told off? She _actually_ swore!"

"Hmm?" Kakashi looked at him, then realised what was happening, "oh right! SAKURA!!!? DID YOU JUST SAY THE EFF WORD??"

"Ummm...No?" she said. Kakashi was about to give her a royal telling off, when the after effects of the painkillers kicked in, and he instantly fell asleep.

"What?! That's it!? Why aren't you telling her off!!?" Sasuke yelled in annoyance, "Oh, you are _so_ going on the list!!"

Meanwhile, upstairs, Naruto had paused outside a door, suddenly feeling really ashamed of himself for shouting.

He could hear the sound of sobbing from behind the door. _Crying?_ He put his hand on the door and was about to open it when he paused. He knew he wouldn't want anyone to walk in on him if he were crying.

In-between sobs, he heard one word.

"Dad." Inari sobbed heartbrokenly.

Naruto, for once showing the compassion and empathy that he would actually need if he ever became Hokage, turned and went back downstairs, no longer wanting to yell at the small boy.

* * *

_Wave angel: *sniffles* I'm okay, really. Ummm...yeah, that's it for this chapter. Please, R&R to tell me what you thought. I really do like getting them._


	10. THe Wave Country: umm

Wave angel: dum-de-dum...yeah, how long since I updated? I forget. Sooo...please read on if you want to hear Sakura's painstakingly long-winded attempt to teach Naruto something Sasuke can teach in, like, three sentences? **I OWN NOTHING.**

**The Wave Country: umm...just run that by me again?**

"Right," Kakashi stopped limping and turned to face his team, who'd followed him to the clearing, "_now_ we start the training."

"AWW HEELLL YEAH BOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled, feeling pumped.

Kakashi was glad he'd taken those ibuprofen; he was kinda floating on air, which meant that Naruto's loudness had no effect on him.

"Yeah, okay, calm down Naruto, it's not that exciting," Kakashi said, trying to calm the blond boy, "right, so before that, I want to talk to you about the shinobi ability, chakra."

_Chakra...it sound familiar...I _think _I've heard of it before..._Naruto put his hand up.

"Yes, Naruto?"

"What's chakra?"

"You're a ninja and you don't know _that_??!! What did you learn in school??!!" Sakura yelled at him. Kakashi had a bad feeling about this.

"Hehe," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously, "I used to sleep through the hard classes." He grinned, trying to seem all bad-boy good looking.

_This is bad,_ Kakashi thought as he slumped in his crutches.

"Fine," Kakashi sighed, "Sakura?"

"Okay!!" Sakura put on her teacher voice and pulled out a scroll, "okay, I'll make it simple for your slow brain."

She showed Naruto the scroll, which also had pretty pictures to help explain.

"Okay, basically, chakra is the energy a shinobi needs when performing a jutsu. That energy comes in two parts. The body energy that's in each of your billions of cells. And the spiritual energy you get from training and other experiences. So by bringing out and releasing chakra, you perform a jutsu. This is done through the process of making a seal with your hands. Got that."

Naruto looked at her blankly, then shook himself, "oh, you've done? What?"

Sakura frowned, "did you get all that?"

"Ummm...yes?" Naruto replied, not actually sure what was going on.

"DID YOU EVEN LISTEN??!!" Sakura exploded.

Naruto cringed away from her, "I tried!!! But you used such big words!!!! Just run it by me again, please?"

Sakura and Kakashi sweat-dropped in exasperation.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Sakura tried again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

"Have you got it _now??_" she asked, scowling at the blond boy.

"I...I think..." he began then shook his head, "nope."

Sakura sighed, and started again.

The sun started to set. Sasuke was getting bored. Kakashi was busy reading his book, and Sakura was still trying to make Naruto understand chakra. Her voice was starting to annoy the hell out of the youngest Uchicha. As was naruto's dumb-ass-ness. As Sakura started again, he decided enough was enough.

"I'll explain. It's magic, Naruto, okay?" the emo-child said, "You mix spiritual energy, real energy, make a seal, then the jutsu happens. Do you understand now?"

"Yes!! I get it now!!" Naruto said happily. Sakura and Kakashi stared at Sasuke, who stared back impassively.

"What?"

"You were nice to him." Sakura said in confusion.

"Balls was I. I just didn't want to have to listen to you fail in trying to explain it to him properly." Sasuke answered coolly.

"Hmm," Kakashi frowned, not convinced, _well, Iruka sensei had some good students if two could explain it._

"Okay, so, I understand now Sasuke explained properly," Naruto interrupted, "but isn't it something you learn with your body?"

"Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it," Sasuke added, "Naruto is right. We can already use jutsu."

"Whoa, I was right?" Naruto asked, shocked, then he grinned, _yeah!!! Sooo on the way to Hokage!!!_, "Ohhhh yeah, boi!!" and started happy-time-dancing.

Everyone stared, and then continued like nothing out-of-the-ordinary was happening.

"Nope," Kakashi answered Sasuke's not quite-a-question-more-like-a-statement, "you can't use jutsus properly yet, 'cos you aren't using chakra properly."

"What??!!!" Naruto burst out, stopping his happy-time-dance.

Even Sakura and Sasuke seemed surprised...well; actually, Sasuke was more annoyed by this than surprised.

"Right, listen carefully, for the sake of naruto's brain I'll try to keep it as simple as I can...if not...

"As Sakura said earlier, you need to mix physical and spiritual energy in your body to release chakra," Kakashi explained, "but based on what jutsu you use, the type and amount of chakra you release is different." He looked at Naruto, "you with me still?"

Naruto nodded, "yeah, just....I think."

"Right, okay," Kakashi continued with his lecture, "you guys aren't using chakra effectively yet. Even _if_ you were able to release a high amount of chakra, unless you control it properly, then the jutsu will be weakened, or it won't work at all. And by wasting energy, you won't be able to fight as long. These kinds of weaknesses will appear."

Naruto had actually understood most of that.

"So...what should we do?" he asked Kakashi.

"You learn how to control it." Kakashi told him, "through very tough training."

The kids stared at him.

"What kind of training?" Sakura asked finally.

"Tree climbing," Kakashi told them, "and if you think it's gonna be easy you're wrong! If you thought training was over once you left the academy, you were wrong!!" Kakashi gave them all a serious look, the grinned at their exasperated faces, "training is only beginning!!!"

_Wave angel: yeah...this isn't as funny as the past chapter, but the next one will have a montage so...yeah, you have read, now please review! Please?_


	11. The Wave Country: Training

_Wave angel: yeahh...so, I apologise for the lack of montage. It sounded like a good idea in my head. In practice...it didn't work. So, once again, I apologise._

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...for now...**_

* * *

**The Wave Country: Training begins! (And we learn why Inari, a.k.a. hat boy, is soo emo)**

"Tree climbing!" Sakura burst out, "are you _serious?_" _I might break a nail! _She wailed mentally.

Kakashi blinked at her, "no, I'm not, why _else_ would I say it?" he replied dryly.

Everyone except Naruto caught the sarcasm. "So...we're _not_ tree climbing?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke hit him around the head, roughly the same time that Sakura did.

"OW!"

"Dobe."

"Yes, we are tree climbing Naruto." Kakashi interrupted before his team started fighting each other.

_Great, sounds boring, _Naruto thought.

"What kind of training is _tree climbing_?" Sakura asked incredulously.

"I hadn't finished." Kakashi told her. "Have you finished questioning me?"

She nodded. "Good." He said, before explaining,

"This isn't normal tree climbing (this...is M&S tree climbing....sorry, couldn't help myself...). You will climb without using your hands."

Sasuke looked at him sharply, _Wtf?_

"AWW YEAHHHH BOI!" Naruto yelled, pumped up once again, "SOUNDS LIKE FUN!"

"And _how_ are we supposed to do that?" Sakura asked, "It's impossible."

"Okay, watch." Kakashi put his hands together and took a breath, then walked up the side of a tree, with his crutches, then along a branch until he was above them, hanging upside down.

"Dude..." Sasuke said under his breath, inaudibly.

"He's climbing!" Naruto said, pointing out the obvious.

"Vertically, with just his legs." Sakura added, also pointing out the obvious.

"Ta-da!" Kakashi said once he was there, looking down at them, "wow, you guys look dumb upside-down. Anyway...you understand now, or do you still think it's impossible?"

They gazed blankly at him.

He sighed, then grinned optimistically at them,

"Gather your chakra in the bottom of your feet and climb up a tree. This is something you can do easy-peasy once you can use chakra well."

"Hold the phone!" Sakura burst out, sounding alot more like Naruto, "how the _hell_ is _this_ going to make us stronger?"

Naruto gasped, as he and Sasuke stared at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Om-om-om! You said hell!" Naruto told her.

"You said hell too!" she stuck her tongue out at him.

"You said hell again!"

"_You_ said hell again!"

"You made me say hell!"

"You said hell again!"

Sasuke and Kakashi shared a look that said; _how long is this going to last do you think?_

Roughly quarter of an hour later, Sakura and Naruto were still yelling at each other about their use of 'hell'.

Sasuke snapped, and yelled, "Shut the _hell_ up!"

Naruto opened his mouth to say "om-om-om..." etc, but Sasuke glared.

"Don't. Say. It." the Uchicha growled. Naruto shut his mouth.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at them, "finished? Can I get on with my teaching of you now?"

"Yes sensei, sorry." Sakura muttered, looking down, dying of embarrassment because of how childishly she'd acted.

"Sorry." Naruto added.

"Thank you. This is very important, so listen carefully." They looked up at the silver-haired Jounin expectantly, "the purpose of this training is...

First; to teach you how to control chakra, so you bring out the proper amount to the proper area. As I said earlier, this is the most important aspect when using jutsu. This can be hard even for a skilled ninja. The amount of chakra needed to climb a tree is small, but exact, and it's the hardest to gather chakra at the bottom of the foot. So basically, if you master this, you can master any jutsu..." he thought about that, "theoretically, anyway."

Naruto grinned excitedly and Sasuke paid a little bit more attention, _any jutsu! _They both thought.

"Secondly, it will develop the stamina needed to control chakra properly. Depending on the jutsu, controlling your chakra can be difficult, and a ninja will usually have to gather chakra during battle, when they're constantly moving. That type of situation makes it even harder. That is why, from this tree climbing, you must gain the stamina needed for true control."

He let that sink in.

"Well, me talking all day won't accomplish anything," he pulled out three kunai, "this is something you'll have to learn with your own bodies," he threw the kunai into the ground by the kids' feet. "Use those kunai to mark how far you make it up the tree. Then use that mark and try to surpass it. You won't be good enough to just walk up the tree to begin with, so get some momentum and try running, 'kay?"

"I got this training licked!" Naruto shouted, grinning widely, "I could do it before breakfast!" 'Cos I'm the most improved!"

"Hey, Naruto," Kakashi said from upside down in his tree, "why don't you quit with the bragging, choose a tree and try to climb it?"

The blond boy paused, nodded, and then focussed.

_Okay, so, first gather chakra in the feet..._

All three kids concentrated. Mist swirled around their feet.

"'KAY! HERE I GO!" Naruto yelled, and charged at a tree.

He forgot to run up the tree, instead choosing to run into it. He fell back to the floor with an 'oof!'

Sasuke fared slightly better. He got, maybe, five feet up, and then lost traction, after swiping his kunai along the bark and leaving a gash (poor tree!). He fell back to the floor, rolling over mid air to land on his feet. _I can't believe it's this hard! (Wave angel: hehe, that's what she said!)_

He looked at the footprint he'd left in the tree, just below his kunai gash, _too much chakra- the wood cracks...too little and..._He looked at Naruto who was rolling around on the floor, for some reason.

_Well, that's the difference between those two..._Kakashi thought. But everyone's thoughts were interrupted when Sakura shouted, "hey! This is pretty easy!" happily.

Everyone looked up, in shock, for the most part.

Sakura giggled and stuck her tongue out at the boys.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled in surprise.

"Well, well," Kakashi folded his arms, still upside down (Kakashi: I am Spiderman!

Wave angel: if you were Spiderman you'd have to wear a Lycra suit. Like Gai.

Kakashi: I *thinks about that*...am NOT Spiderman), "it looks like the best at controlling chakra right now is...Sakura."

Sasuke looked down, and pretended to tie his shoelace up, feigning impassiveness, while inside he was severely annoyed that Sakura had bested him.

"Wow! You're great Sakura! That's the girl I put my confidence in!" Naruto yelled, happy for her, but also slightly annoyed she's beaten him.

Sakura looked down, not so pumped up with success, _I wanted Sasuke to be impressed...why did this happen?_

Kakashi sighed, and said, "Wow, not only does she know alot about chakra, but her control and stamina are quite good too. Right now, Sakura is the closest to Hokage, unlike a certain someone. And I guess the Uchicha clan isn't worth much either." He deliberately goaded the two boys.

"Shut up sensei!" Sakura yelled at Kakashi, _you'll make him mad at me!_ Once again sounding more like Naruto. Sasuke and Naruto shared looks.

_Of course, Naruto and Sasuke have an uncomparably greater amount of chakra in them. If this training goes well, they'll be a great asset._

_Okay, first, I'm gonna catch Sasuke!_ Naruto thought, determinedly, _I will do it, believe it!_

Behind a tree, the small boy and his hat watched, and then he turned away, _phh, that's just a waste of time._

~oOo~

In a tree house, Haku looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Sooo..." Gatou started to gloat, "Even _you_ have come back defeated. Looks like mist ninjas are pretty pathetic." He stepped forward, still gloating, "You can't even avenge your men? And you call yourself a devil. Don't make me laugh."

Zabuza didn't answer. Gatou's bodyguards semi-unsheathed their swords. Haku frowned, _an attack?_

Gatou wasn't happy about being ignored, he stepped forward again, "Hold on a second, hey! I'm talking to you! There's no need to stay silent!" he reached for the bed cover, "How about..."

A hand grabbed his arm.

"Don't touch Zabuza-san with your dirty hands, turd-monkey." Haku said, looking possessed, and acting incredibly protective (there is definitely something going on between them...).

Gatou didn't know how to react, he settled for saying, "you!" while his body guards drew their weapons. Then things happened fast.

Haku looked at the body guards sideways. One minute they had their swords and were going to chop him/her. The next, Haku had his/her swords, held at the necks, while he/she stood between them.

They froze. _No way! He...she...moved in an instant!_

"You shouldn't do that." Haku told them, "I'm pissed off now."

One of the body-guards sweated, thinking Haku was a monster. To be fair, Haku did look very scary. Gatou froze for a moment, then tried to regain control of the situation (and failed. Miserably).

"One more time!" he screeched, "if you fail one more time..." he thought about a threat he could use, "...you won't be welcome here again! Remember that!"

_Oh, I'm so scared, _Zabuza thought to himself as he feigned sleep.

Gatou and his body-guards left as quickly as they possibly could while still maintaining their manliness. Haku and Zabuza were quiet a moment.

"Haku," Zabuza said at last, "you didn't need to do that." He reached under the cover to where his sword was. (If you took that the wrong way, then shame! If you didn't but now have because of this...then I apologise.)

"I know." Haku replied. Zabuza looked sideways at his companion, "but it's still too early to kill Gatou. If we cause a commotion here, they'll be after us again." (Who will?) Haku grinned, "We must be patient."

"...yeah, okay."

~oOo~

"OW! Ah!" Naruto rubbed his head; he'd fell out the tree, again.

Sasuke glared at the tree, trying to make it submit while he caught his breath.

Sakura lay flat on her back, absolutely shattered. Panting (not from the effect that Sasuke has on her, but from the immensely tough training) she looked at the two boys. _Phew, I'm worn out! What stamina those two have _(hehe- oops, sorry, but that could be taken sooo wrongly...). She watched as Naruto stared at his tree, which had around a million scratches in 2 feet of bark.

_Damn, _thought Naruto.

_He isn't improving at all. It's about time he gives in and starts complaining..._ Sakura thought with a grin, which was really mean of her. After all, he doesn't make fun of _her_ when she can't do something. And he supports her when she can do something he can't, rather than sulking like a certain someone I could mention (Sasuke: a-choo!)

"Aww, shit!" Naruto exclaimed, then turned and walked to Sakura.

_I knew it; he is sooo easy to read...huh?_

Naruto squatted down in front of Sakura.

"Umm...umm..." he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly, "couldyougivemesometips?"

"Huh?" Sakura hadn't got a word of that.

"Can you give me some tips, please?" Naruto asked attempting to give her the puppy-dog-eyes look. And so, Sakura told Naruto what to do.

_He's gonna get stronger and stronger...but how strong?_ Kakashi thought to himself as he took a swig of his 'medicine' and turned the page of his book. He'd almost reached the end...which he was sad about, because the new one hadn't come out in paper-back anywhere except on the internet and people could trace that to him; and that meant he'd just have to start reading them all over again...or start on that other series..._Naruto, your chakra potential is probably above Sasuke's. And...Yeah okay, possibly above mine. It's gonna be fun watching you grow up._ (And, no, that was not meant in a pervy way.)

~oOo~

Sakura woke up, and yawned, sleep-boogers hanging about in her eyes rather unattractively.

On the bridge, men were already banging hammers and nails into bits of wood. Oh, and they were using spanners to tighten...umm, I think they're nuts? But yeah, everyone was busy and wearing hard hats...

Except Sakura who was sat on the edge of the bridge, yawning, sleep-boogers still in her eyes.

"Hey," Tazuna called, "you look bored all by yourself. Where are your boyfriend and the dark-haired guy?"

"They're training, "she yawned, and then recognised what he'd said, "and Naruto is NOT my boyfriend!"

"Whatever," Tazuna waved her comment away, "so why aren't you training?"

"Its cos I'm so superior!" she beamed, "oh, and Kakashi-sensei told me to protect you."

"Really?"

"Hey Tazuna!" someone interrupted the lovely, but kinda pointless convo they were having...

(Wave angel: I'm getting pretty bored with this bit, nothing exciting really happens, so I'll just give you the low down)

Some dude wanted to quit being a bridge builder.

Then Sakura and Tazuna went shopping, and some other random dude tried to steal Sakura's bag. Naturally she hit him; flooring him (I thought she didn't have super-punches/kicks yet?). Then she fed some starving kid sweets (which is gonna help sooo much Sakura *rolls eyes*).

Tazuna explained that the adults were all turning emo (so Sasuke should fit right in! ^.^

Sasuke: *deathglares*

Wave angel: *sighs* you _know _that doesn't work on me, why do you keep trying?

Sasuke: *deathglares*

Wave angel: *sighs then shoot lazars out her eyes*

Sasuke: *blinks in surprise*

Wave angel: yeah, pwned.)

So they needed the bridge as a symbol of courage, so they revert to their normal, non-emo, selves and try to stick up for themselves, instead of rolling on the floor yelling 'I submit I submit!'

And after that brief moment of non-action...we return to what you all want to see, Naruto failing, and falling out the tree...

~oOo~

"AAAAA!" Naruto and Sasuke raced up their respective trees, neck and neck. Naruto's foot slipped, and he looked sideways, just managing to slice his kunai across the tree. He fell back, actually landing on his feet, for once. He looked up to where Sasuke was still running upwards.

_Damn it, damn it! He just keeps running up and up!_

Just as Naruto thought that, the Uchicha boy fell back, after scratching his tree, bouncing from tree to tree on his way down. Sasuke noticed how high naruto's scratches were. _Damn! He's catching up to me!_

Naruto watched his teammate land, _god damn it. No, no, no! _He shook his head to clear it, _stop thinking about Sasuke! I'll just lose my concentration! Ooo, pretty butterfly! No! Concentrate!_

~flashback~

"Sakura-chan, give me some tips, pleeeeaase!"

"Geez....fine..."

~flashback ends~

Naruto remembered his pink-haired teammate's words and followed them...

_Chakra uses spiritual energy, so you can't get too excited. To gather chakra in your feet you have to relax and focus on the tree...focus...focus...hey! It's working! No, focus! Okay, here it goes..._

"Hey Naruto!" Naruto fell straight onto his face, partly in shock, partly because he'd been so tensed up and then been surprised.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!" Naruto yelled furiously, "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO FOCUS!"

Sasuke looked away, uncomfortably, and then coughed; "well...umm..." he began, embarrassedly.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, huffily and suspiciously, _it's rare for him to talk to me._

Sasuke avoided eye contact, a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks (Sasuke: it was from the sun! Uchichas don't blush!

Wave angel: yeah...right, you keep telling yourself that, Sasuke.)

"Wha..." he coughed again, "what did Sakura tell you?"

Naruto froze, then a smirk crept across his face, "it's a secret!" he laughed.

Sasuke froze too, and made a small, annoyed noise. An awkward silence fell over the clearing.

~oOo~

"Wow! This is super fun!" Tazuna said happily, sat at the table with his grandson and team 7, while his daughter washed the dishes, "it's been such a long time since we ate with so many people."

Sasuke and Naruto didn't answer; they couldn't, since their mouths were full of food.

"More!" they demanded, holding out their empty bowls. Then both put a hand to their mouths, and threw up in perfect synchronisation.

_Ewww! Gross! _Inner Sakura yelled, _I can't believe this! Sasuke must have caught Naruto's dumbness!_

"If you're going to throw it all up then stop eating!" she screamed, mainly at Naruto.

"No..." Sasuke said, wiping his mouth with a napkin, "I must eat."

"Yeah!" Naruto added, "We have to, no matter what. Because we have to become stronger."

"Yeah, but there's really no need to throw up." Kakashi said, head in his book, which he had finished and had started to re-read, since he didn't have any other books with him.

The team finished the food and sat around for a while. Sakura noticed a picture and started talking about it.

"Hey, why do you have a torn picture on the wall?" she asked, nosily. She got no answer, so she continued, "only, I noticed Inari-kun staring at it during dinner. It seems like someone purposely removed the person that was in it."

Tazuna, his daughter and the hat...I mean Inari, looked down...and were silent.

Finally, Tazuna's daughter spoke.

"It's my husband."

"And..." Tazuna added, looking down, "the man called the hero of the city."

Inari got up and left, in a very emo-child way.

(Sasuke: see, he's soo my mini-me.

Wave angel: blah, blah, blah, I have told you Sasu-gay, he is not your mini-me!)

"Inari? Where are you going?" the hat's...the boy's mother asked. He slammed the door behind him.

"Inari!" she shouted. Then she turned to Tazuna, "I've _told_ you not to talk about that man in front of him!

Sasuke went into a daze, as the words 'that man' sent him into a daydream of torturing his brother.

"So...what's wrong with Inari-kun?" Sakura asked.

"There seems to be some kind of explanation." Kakashi said.

"It's a long story."

"We've got time."

"Well..." Tazuna gave them all a serious look, "I don't want to stop or be interrupted, so if anyone needs to go to the loo, go now, or hold it."

Naruto got up and left, not to the surprise of everyone else.

~oOo~

When Naruto had returned, and everyone had settled down, ready for the tale, Tazuna began.

"Once, Inari had a father, not related by blood. They were very close, like a real father and son...Inari would laugh a lot back then..."

Everyone was already hooked...even though the story hadn't begun with mega action or normal draw-the-reader/listener-in-ness which most stories do. Tazuna frowned,

"But Inari changed, since the incident with his father..."

"The word 'courage' has been stolen from the people of this island...and from Inari...ever since that day, because of that incident..."

Everyone was kinda sick of hearing the repetitiveness of what he was saying, but they were also curious about the incident.

"What incident?" Kakashi asked, having put his book down, no longer pretending to not be interested, "what happened to Inari-kun?"

"Before I get to that..." Tazuna took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes (glasses can hurt), "I have to tell you about the man they called the hero of this city."

Naruto had almost gone to sleep during most of this, but woke up and looked up at the word, 'hero'.

"It was almost three years ago when Inari met that man...."

Sasuke looked up, _that man...he was here? Why was he here? Oh wait...not him...not my 'that man'...never mind..._

~oOo~

And so Tazuna went into a very long story, about Inari's dog almost drowning, then Inari almost drowning and some dude saving him, then feeding him with bbq-ed fish...yummmm....bbqs....*cough* anyway.

The random dude did have a name, Kaiza, and he was a fisherman, which explains why he could swim. Anyways, he and Inari spent so much time doing stuff like fishing that they became like father and son. And then Kaiza got with Inari's mum, so he became part of the family.

Then...it rained alot. Like, monsoon type rain, and the river flooded, and damns broke, and Kaiza decided to jump in to save the bit of town that was going to flood. Somehow, he managed it...and was then called the hero.

Then Gatou came with all his bad-ass-ness (lol! Yeah, right...) and had him killed. In front of everyone, in a medieval-wanna-be way. And, of course, Inari saw it.

And from that day, everyone in the town became emo.

~oOo~

Everyone was quiet. No-one said that the story hadn't really been that long. And Sasuke, very tactfully, didn't complain about how scarring his life had been compared to Inari's, what with seeing all his family dead etc, etc.

Naruto sat, thinking about everything he'd seen of Inari. Then he got up, and promptly faceplanted the floor. Go Naruto.

"Where are you going Naruto?" Kakashi asked him, not bothering to get up and help, "if you're thinking of going to train more, then don't. Take the day off, you've released too much chakra already. If you release any more you could die." (Why is it every time Naruto does something he could die?)

"No. I'm going to prove it," Naruto told his sensei determinedly.

"What?" Sakura asked, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"I'm gonna prove that heroes do exist!" Naruto said, walking out.

Kakashi resisted the urge to bash his head on the table. _Do I actually make a noise when I speak? Or do they just ignore me?_

* * *

_Wave angel: whoo....long.....umm...yeah, sorry again about the lack of song montageness. As I said, it failed. Miserably. But I can guarantee songs later on...mainly in the Chuunin exams, definitely there. Yeah, so...please R&R people. I will try to get the next chapter out quicker, but...can't promise anything. I may get writers block, again..._


End file.
